@Hella's (Mike Rastiello) most faved Tweets...
It has come to my attention that potential clients or employers may find my Twitter account. So no more poop jokes.
Penis.
Penis.
I don't know how I missed this but it seems that my upstairs neighbor moved out and Cirque du Soleil moved in.
I think the better question would be 'Why *wouldn't* I talk into this fan to sound like Darth Vader?"
We can land a man on the moon but we can't make my fingers, shirt and face not be orange after I devour a bag of Cheetos?
Thanks, science.
Thanks, science.
It's like someone said "Hey! Let's see how much stupid we can cram into one person!" And sure enough, here you are.
Ali has only been on her business trip for 12 hours and already all the dishes are dirty, I burnt my toast and I have no clean underpants.
Oh that's adorable, check engine light! Everyone look at the check engine light! It wants some attention.
What a fucking drama queen.
What a fucking drama queen.
Lady in front of me at CVS was buying tampons, ice cream and candy bars. Add a box of tissues and she's got herself a Yahtzee.
I hope I'm still anti-establishment, anti-corporation and pro-eyeliner when I'm in my mid to late 40's.Like Green Day.
From now on when I fly early in the morning I'm going to go to the airport right from the the shower and get dressed AFTER security.
I'll do a lot of things to avoid someone that I don't want to talk to.
Like sit in this bank parking lot for 15 minutes.
Like sit in this bank parking lot for 15 minutes.
We're at the Astro's game and I just asked Ali what the score was. She said it was "half a beer and what is baseball?"
Fuck·ing ass·hole
n. Someone who puts their dog outside at 6:30 AM to bark for hours.
"My neighborhood is full of fucking assholes."
n. Someone who puts their dog outside at 6:30 AM to bark for hours.
"My neighborhood is full of fucking assholes."
What's that, ice cream? Okay! Be right there!
Guys, the ice cream is calling me into the kitchen. I better go see what it wants.
Guys, the ice cream is calling me into the kitchen. I better go see what it wants.
We have icing to put on a cake but no cake mix to bake a cake. That's like buying gas when you don't have a car. But worse because it's cake
Stuck at work, not watching the Michael Jackson memorial.
I wish I was at home.
Not watching the Michael Jackson memorial.
I wish I was at home.
Not watching the Michael Jackson memorial.
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