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I have 1 tweet in my drafts folder, I'm just waiting to have enough followers to unleash it.
Me: how was work?
Roommate: my favorite person on twitter followed me back today!!
If you have an erection that lasts more than 4 hours.... Call me!
If I see something funny that's been retweeted I have a system... Retweet, Star, Follow. Everyone should do the same.
Every time I see a head and shoulders commercial, I think of Ally Sheedy in the breakfast club.
I haven't been on twitter in a week. Sometimes real life really takes up alot of time.
I keep my boss on speed dial so its easier to drunk dial him. This way I don't have to worry about calling out in the morning.
I hate talking to people with accents. I have to put all focus on them to understand what they are saying, & then end up just smiling anyway
Just had a 20 minute conversation with a VERY heavy Asian accent... Now I ranna kirr myserf...
I'm sorry, what was the question?
Holy crap! 800 followers??? And I didn't even have to send any dick pics!
Vodka! Bacon! Penis!
I win twitter!!!!
Woke up to 69 new twitter notifications. (I counted twice!) best morning sex I ever got! Thanks guys!
This whole job concept blows. I need to win the lotto or I'm going to start pimping out my cat.
Getting my niece a sippy cup with a little umbrella in it so that she and I could lounge in the kiddie pool together today.
I heard somewhere that guys really like pie. So ladies you should always keep a freshly baked apple pie in your purse just in case.
It's 9:30am... Time for a liquid breakfast in the bosses office!!!
Which would get me more followers? Sending out naked pics of myself? Or not?
If I hear that Rebecca Black song one more time, I'm going to...
Just listen to it and complain about it on twitter.