Work is sending me to a seminar today for..get this..How to Use Twitter.

I am soooo tired. What I need right now is to light up a cup of cigarette and smoke a coffee.

Unlocked iPhone was in my back pocket with Tweetie open, so all your faces were smooshed up to my butt for a while. Who. Left. Bitemarks??

I'm bored of having too much to do.

Need to get back to work. I have to write the company policy regarding the use/abuse of the Internet while on the clock.

Me on phone to friend in another state: "Think I'll do the club scene tonight. Solo."

F: "What are you going to wear?"

Me: "Desperation"

What I really need to find is a good screw.

That didn't come out right.

A screw. For some wood.

Still not right. Wood. Screw.

Nevermind

Wearing a skirt to work today, which guarantees somebody's computer will fuck up & I will have to crawl under a desk to fix it.

I've heard that to be a good singer you have to use your diaphragm. But I can't figure out how birth control will help improve your voice.

Just lit a cigarette with a new lighter that was set to FlameThrower mode. Related: canceling tomorrow's haircut appointment.

The first person I hear say 'New England must be so beautiful in the Fall' is going to get my metal rake up their ass. Happy fucking Autumn.

Loud Office Girl just walked in. She is like sooo omyGOD like so so like so soooo omyGOD like like sooooo soooo like so so like so ANNOYING!

Today's Agenda: Meet to work on the Agenda for the next meeting. We can use the Agenda from the last meeting as a template for this Agenda.

Got Real Life 'stars' today: In Times Square, guy walking next to me said my clothes & hair were "killer".

When life gives you lemons, pour a drink, get naked and jump in the hot tub.

Webinar - a meeting where the speakers aren't there in person to bore you.

Who, me? Just driving my pick-up truck to Home Depot's Tool Corral to get drill bits then grab a bag of Quik-Crete. Ya know - girl stuff.

I would have Tweeted during the ride from the airport to the office, but my thumbs get carsick.

Just sat down for the first time in 4 hours. I think my ass just melted into the chair.

Today needs to have its sorry little ass kicked.