Letting someone in your brain is a lot more dangerous than between your legs.

I would be a kick ass therapist,

Quit being a stupid fuck.

Bam! $200 please.

There is a big difference between a broken heart and a bruised ego.

Broken souls have a way of finding each other.

My super power is making up shit in my head.

Then believing it.

Don't ever lose your Fuck You.

I don't mind if you think with your penis, I actually pefer it.

It's how I get my way.

No one ever wants to be second choice. Ever.

Your wife caught me stalking you and she said I could have you.

It's not about finding someone who completes you, but one who will evolve with you.

You're driving a mini van - those
stick figures of all your kids are not necessary.

You arent my weakness.

I am.

Dreams are meant to be broken. Or something. I don't know. Beer me.

Nothing can ruin something so beautiful quicker than a lie.

So what's a good wine to bring to a job interview?

Seek out those that replenish your soul.

I would tweet about my sex life but my daughter stalks my account and she thinks I'm a virgin.

I used to be someone's something.

You never know how much words can fill up your heart until they're not written anymore.

You're ugly and your wife dresses you funny.