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The best thing about hand sanitizer in hospitals isn't the hygiene. It's that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.
Sleep well, Twitter. I'll most likely kill you in the morning. #dreadpirate
I have taken 98 photos with phone or digital since 4/1. Number of pics of myself? 2.
If your boy likes pink things? Let him. If your girl likes blue things? Cool. Let kids like what they like, not what you think they should.
Once upon a time, there were no gender-specific colors. We can have that again, if we stop the outcry whenever something is pink or blue.
If you're upset that you went to college, but don't have a job... You should at least feel blessed you were able to go to college.
Great. Just starting a 9 hour workday and my eyes are already bothering me. Next week: optometrist.
It's not always about the people you know, but the people who affect you in mysterious ways. #WeAreAllStars
If I were even slightly less a good person, I'd be robbing all these people with their homes listed on 4square.
New drinking game. Had a long day? Drink.
When your phone doesn't respond to your touch, you doubt (if only briefly) your own existence.
Yeah, but how many of Osama's horcruxes did we get?!
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