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FOX NEWS' TAKE: "African American Male in Washington Confesses to Murder of Elderly Man."
Billy Corgan accused Radiohead of being pompous. Talk about the pot calling the kettle melon collie and the infinite sadness.
If you were stranded on a desert island, and only had a 250GB iPod, what 3,000 albums would you take with you?
You guys have NO IDEA how close I came to getting stuck paying $999,999,999 for Instagram in that eBay auction.
Oh boy, this is just going to be 90 minutes of the two candidates angrily agreeing with each other.
Jay-Z now officially has 100 problems.
I can't really afford a vacation, but a "psychotic break" sounds lovely.
If Michelle Bachmann does a good job tonight, her handlers will feed her a live mouse.
God coming back to judge mankind would be like the dad who left you at age 2 coming back at age 18 to bitch about how your mom raised you.
CBS is banning buttcrack from the Grammys. Poor Randy Newman :(
"Can I get a retweet?" - world's first Twitter preacher
Why are we calling Gingrich "Mr. Speaker?" I've been fired from jobs, but no one's calling me "Mr. Clerk in a Used Bookstore."
Contracts always protect you against acts of God, but why not Satan? No reason I should lose money because some guy lost a fiddling contest.
Its been 25 years, but I finally started forgetting the lyrics to 'These Boots Were Made For Walking'
Q: What has two thumbs and loves to give hugs? A: Not Rick Allen (drummer for Def Lepperd)
I'm in a monogamous relationship, where 'mono' means 'one,' and 'gamous' means, 'who cries alone at night.'
ROMNEY: "Instead of 'divorcing' Pakistan, allow me to explain the concept of 'sister wife countries...'"
"Martha, let's look at this from the view of the Ayatollahs. YOU ARE A WHORE FOR EXPOSING YOUR FACE."
Has anyone ever said, 'Oh good, a hippy with a ukelele's here'?
Liam McEneaney is an oaf, a layabout, and a comedian/writer.