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I need some giant shrek sized person on rock me.
We should stop using "wrap sandwich" as a lame translation for burrito. Why can't I have an Italian burrito?
Me: Been up much to since college?
Friend: Got married, had kids, made senior partner. You?
Me: I got pretty good at Words With Friends.
Man, I could go for some freedom fries right now. When are they bringing those back?
If you have a deeply personal blog that you never want me to see, just make it my Internet Explorer homepage.
I'd never go sailing with Rod Stewart. I wouldn't be able to relax as I'd be in constant fear that he'd write a song about the experience.
I like your new menu, Pizza Hut, even though "Peruvian Chili Peppers" sounds like the description of a band I wouldn't want to see.
[Superman & Batman hanging out in a club when Gandhi and Rosa Parks arrive]
Superman: Ugh. Regular heroes. This place is going downhill.
So..who is your favorite Duggar?
YOUR BABY IS UGLY!
Sorry I had to get that out somewhere. I feel better.
Today a guy at my bank asked me out for dinner and my answer (which I stuttered) was ... Gum. Switching banks now btw.
Yes, Hitler was bad but I have a friend whose favourite band are The Lighthouse Family so let's keep the Hitler condemnation in perspective.
Today's word: "Shobo" - a panhandler with an elaborately choreographed routine.