Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Best excuse to not go out: "I just heard wind chimes"
2 guys in Panera said they were straight outta Compton. I assume the GPS in their Jeep Cherokee accidentally routed them through there.
When I first joined Twitter, I had no idea one day I'd be tweeting pictures of myself in a wig in an effort to feel alive again.
After much thought, instead of going big, I'm going home.
I think I just broke up with a girl because I waited 2 days to make a move in words with friends.
I remember those summer nights dad would go to the corner store for some Chore Boy then he & mom would smoke crack until dawn. Good times.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm entirely too logical to be in a relationship.
*puts a tampon behind my ear, does your taxes*
So... none of US are doing the whole "unplugged" thing tomorrow, right?
House of Cards is the best show ever at making me want ribs.
I changed political parties because of the bumper stick on your car.
Thinking of getting pregnant for the Instagram likes.
Given the option of paying 5 dollars for parking, or parking on the street and flushing 10 dollars down a toilet, I'd still take the latter.
I accidentally watched a commercial.
hey girls who pick out pretty dresses for your date guys just want to cover you in cum
My nephew is dancing at this boyscout meeting like they don't hate gays.