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I'm sick of working. Does anyone want to just give me money?
*Batman voice* Does anyone know how to replace the toner cartridge for the first floor printer?
Morning is stupid.
Labor Day really threw off my coworker who always complains about Mondays. Good thing it's very hot outside so she can talk about that.
just dreamt i used the washroom at a convenience store a couple blocks from my parents place at 7am
If you say "elder" instead of "older," can we please get coffee? I have a lot of questions about your journey.
I'm charging my kids chocolate squares in exchange for helping them with their homework. No free rides.
At least have the decency to lie to my face.
Imagine if 2 years ago someone told you Twitter would get WORSE, would you have possibly believed them?!
Sleepy Hollow is what I feel on the inside.
That water trick was great, but let's see Jesus try walking on Legos.
*messes up everything constantly* Tbh this sucks
Ok now do a Family Matters movie
I think the universe is trying to tell me something.
Or it could be my friend Bethany, it's hard to tell because I'm hiding in a barrel.
I wonder if jim and pam ever did it
"Go to your room & think about what you've done"
*child goes to room*
"I THOUGHT ABOUT IT & WHAT I DID WAS FUCKING AWESOME"
My aim is so bad when I pee in the shower I still get some on the toilet seat.
Snow falls & people gather it to create snowmen but meanwhile in snowmen realm human body parts fall from the sky as snowmen look in horror.
*stands over crook, gun aimed*
"Go ahead, make my day."
crook- "Uh th-those are some nifty trousers you have."