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  • SortaBad
      Brian Essbe @SortaBad

    Linus: I got a fave!

    Peppermint Patty: I got a RT!

    Lucy: I got a FF!

    Charlie Brown: I got a rock :(

    • 40
    • FAVS
    atleembericspratlingThe_BiddlerHeyitsLoriRaymondFalafelmikearmataOriginalCatsieHome_Halfway
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    lejehnOriginalCatsiereebemeMEMOBETTABfloBlogSundanceJasonMycroft88Avatar_unknown_48
  • EddieAlfano
      Eddie Alfano @EddieAlfano

    I've given up on ever having "fans" and now simply aim for a small group of people who don't go, "Fuck...him?"

    • 1
    • FAV
    HeyitsLori
  • LaurieDuvall3
      Laurie Duvall @LaurieDuvall3

    My mom is still herself even at 89. So excited about the fistfight at the breakfast table at her care home. Wishing I had been there.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    HeyitsLoriAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • TheThomason
      Sean Thomason @TheThomason

    On the bright side, I think it's nice that people still go bowling.

    • 32
    • FAVS
    BridgetPhetasyHeyitsLoriAhhComeOnFriendPo_Cherryprettygoblincamcarewsenderblock23Catjk68
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    buddha_hahahaRiot_TweetsAvatar_unknown_48
  • AmberTozer
      AmberTozer @AmberTozer

    Can't wait for more breaking news these topical jokes keep lifting me higher

    • 33
    • FAVS
    HaleyMDriscolljscottwilsonerikvinsonHeyitsLoricloudypianosNickSugarbakerhiba_raza1JeffJagunich
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    michaelclaridgebandInterWebsIcklerabridgedAvatar_unknown_48
  • AmberTozer
      AmberTozer @AmberTozer

    One time I had diarrhea in NYC and didn't tell anyone about it

    • 65
    • FAVS
    MThomalenZwolf666neuemandyHeyitsLoriCameron_SladelukeonlifeNickSugarbakerDriftRoberts
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    wienerherzogCruelshoeAvatar_unknown_48
  • Hormonella
      Bea Hindwhistle @Hormonella

    Too fucked up to Tweet?

    Check your email! What could possibly go wrong?

    • 52
    • FAVS
    UnFitzDesperate_Loser3rdBaseIdunnosweetg35Sam_stone31jeffswarens_katelynicoleImaFlyontheWall
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    TheBoydPAmiigatOozoe1stevemmanIzianikapanifillthevacuumAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • TheThomason
      Sean Thomason @TheThomason

    People are so proud to tell you there's no bass line in When Doves Cry you'd think it was their idea.

    • 107
    • FAVS
    mathiasmentalspenserreichaselrodbtofhale_collinamandalynae13nobuttseriouslyClassicShelb
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    imjanbradyJimPerrinCraigMacCormacktheSVPCblautreaclemgsAmish_Ambushjuscohen
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    When I see a comic I need to be laughing 100% of the time. No filler. No thinking. No politics. I want you to tickle me for a straight hour.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    beeklossHeyitsLoritaraelainebeemanidattsonscotthellrisingsmacisaacNadBangerReticentTurnip
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Avatar_unknown_48
  • Ristolable
      Ristolable @Ristolable

    The news is talking about which places are "Ebola Free" and I'm like, I don't care how much it costs pal I'm not interested

    • 603
    • FAVS
    mjsimonsonBooMcMoneyhillswithnoeyesmateus51HDchicken_nuggiematt_ferreiruhcha_sticksDanielSawyer26
    • 278
    • RETWEETS
    RyanMitchell0miawkouehillswithnoeyesJoooshABbrookesliamBig_man_charlesAyecapsSgtBdhrso
  • loribuckmajor
      Lori @loribuckmajor

    When asked by the Dr. if I had traveled out of the country recently I said "No, I'm a housewife but I'm willing to take my chances."

    • 11
    • FAVS
    AmiigatHeyitsLorikarmamasabitch1HappytwitericsshadowJessObsessWilliamAderElKnuckelhombre
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Amiigat
  • AmberTozer
      AmberTozer @AmberTozer

    Your relentless pursuit for instant gratification causes turmoil & I think that's why your eyes are dead but other than that I love this pic

    • 119
    • FAVS
    HaleyMDriscollOldDustyDeathmitchellfawcettKailsKuhnZwolf666MicaelaMohrverymarycolleenHALFniteStand
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    HaleyMDriscollOldDustyDeathlilbreebsbunghole_tacoelizfitzgeraldsofiesuemagoochassidy_boggssilent_muse
  • Home_Halfway
      Michael @Home_Halfway

    Ways I'm Like a Cat:

    1)Silent
    2)Independent
    3)Chases mice
    4)Lick myself clean
    5)Always stuck in trees
    6)Speaks French
    7)Screams at children

    • 124
    • FAVS
    MegannMoellertriftenCtkingmediaJulesinRealityDesgraciantekDuncanGOne_FineMessErikCianci
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    GenGSPattonSenPattyFurrytriftenCVitamin_D_rekPie_InspectorJonBakerhuntigulaAdamFalluji4
  • Ristolable
      Ristolable @Ristolable

    [Cop pulls me over]
    "Sir why are you sweating so much?"
    Well the dead body in my trunk was heavy.
    "What?"
    I meant alive body
    "Move along"

    • 427
    • FAVS
    meeter_058zahkerygamesJumbledButtsenochulatedR3LIX425w3t_willyHugoInsteadgonesheis
    • 160
    • RETWEETS
    PatWalkaI_AM_RONIMALCoreyshoemaker7OutOnTheMoorsarmyantstudiosSenorNippRyan_PrushinskiDoorkcin
  • SortaBad
      Brian Essbe @SortaBad

    Accidentally did a sit-up reaching for the remote. Please send your prayers during this difficult time

    • 120
    • FAVS
    simplyysylviemeghanlizabethhJeremyCBaldwinkristina_m4brittanyhatthannahminnesotaJohnRGregg3sarahmmayer
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    simplyysylviemeghanlizabethhVulpixelzbrittanyhattadistantshipjfaithbartl92quickbrownfauxgabbydemaria
  • AmberTozer
      AmberTozer @AmberTozer

    He kissed her she pulled away & said do u smoke he said no she said oh so you naturally smell like shit he said yes - from my romance novel

    • 124
    • FAVS
    MicaelaMohrDriftRobertsfc_raytrumpetcakeMaddy_BanderobemmaValeejilllbarlowNelshamii
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    yesborgLuisH2110NilsWilhelmAndreCJenkinscosmicowllEricIntrovertedDecentlyFunnythesarawood
  • thetigersez
      Sarah @thetigersez

    It's so cute & fun & not totally annoying how I can't even mention nudity in a non-sexual way in a tweet without getting creep responses.

    • 17
    • FAVS
    danjan13HeyitsLoridragnutAtmanThakrarmarcmackbrentceteraPunkaboomeowitskathleen
  • thetigersez
      Sarah @thetigersez

    I had cleaned up pee, vomit and shit by 8:00 am today, but please, continue telling me how having a dog is nothing like having a baby.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    HeyitsLoridragnutTheBlessMesstheguydfbrentceterakatjamacmahonjeffereybergerDanielRCarrillo
  • Kim_pulsive
      Kim @Kim_pulsive

    This is the time of day when all the moms in my subdivision run & my cigarette smoking fat ass sits and watches those bitches from my porch

    • 5
    • FAVS
    HeyitsLorislyoung5fmlsuxsilent_musingsAvatar_unknown_48
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    adamjestTheSFNoir
  • Ristolable
      Ristolable @Ristolable

    Dogs look exactly like cats if cats were bigger and looked like dogs. Makes you think

    • 333
    • FAVS
    Scott_Brindiarcs_greeneemlavalleeJayceeSoGypsyJohnAsHimselfAnotherme90frank__0Abdellsalam
    • 160
    • RETWEETS
    emlavalleeaye_itsliljabbeylittleeCurseofCJmaylakillsBenIsKnuckleskaley_catSometimesShelbs

Lori’s Recent Discoveries

@HeyitsLori

@HeyitsLori

Lip balm makes me happy.

Tweets that @HeyitsLori has recently discovered and favorited or retweeted.