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Fun idea: Have a magician saw you in half at your funeral. Or not even a magician, just anybody with a big saw.
"Welcome to Taco Bell. Can I take your or--"
Yeah, hi. One of everything mashed up in a big bowl. No fork, I'll just use my hands. Thanks.
4 hour training session on the new system this morning. It'd probably only take two hours, but apparently "there are no dumb questions."
Don't bring a guitar to a gunfight. Or to one of my parties. Or any party. Basically, burn your guitar.
Is there a one minute work-out?? I'll do that.
Starting a one-minute workout program. I should see results in just 9 years.
It's fucking annoying how I have to wait til the end of a movie to see the credits and know who was operating the key grip.
I have catlike reflexes at work in that all I want to do here is hide from people and sleep.
'They have Facebook in prison?' she wondered, as she perused her reform school pals' pages.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
I have a lot of factual information about myself wrong.
I used to care about what people thought of me, now I just care about what people think of me
Which one of the Blackhawks is the drunk again? It's the one with the red jersey, right?
glad u spent 45min making sure pins on your bulletin board were evenly spaced. time well spent. sincerely, NovelsYouCouldBeWriting
Being an undercover cop is tough… *Undoes velcro mustache*