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This place alphabetizes by first name. It's confirmed. I'm working in a zoo. Anteater Jones comes before Sloth Adams. Yup.
Nobody seems to know what the gross lady's job is. I think she's an alien because why else would you have a peeled banana in your bag?!?
The enemy of my enemy is me.
Just ran over my toe with the chair I'm sitting in kind of coordinated.
Don't discount the simple pleasure of a cold orange soda.
"Know your enemy," they say.
But know other things as well. Like how to do maths and where to get good Chinese food. Know loads of stuff.
Gross lady at work has spent the last 30 minutes on her phone looking at cat pics I bet.
Am I the only one who thinks chicken thighs and all the wiggly bits on them are nasty?
New England can expect six more plagues between now and Superbowl Sunday.
The Patriots are the Dallas Cowboys for people who talk funny.
My signature move is drawing looks of puzzled disappointment.
You'll almost always see Brad Pitt eat in his movies. You'll almost always see Tom Cruise ride a motorcycle in his. Interesting choices.
I promise I'll learn to spell if you stop spewing out of my rear end.
I can think of 101 things I'd rather be doing right now.
Not up on current events enough to decide if I'm antioxidant or not.
I wanna dance with somebody... with somebody who tolerates me.
I have lower expectations of potential dance partners than Whitney Houston.
There's hot dog juice all over everything in a drawer in my fridge. #teenagersareoblivioustoeveythingthatsnotattachedtoascreen