Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
You don't check my tweets every day :(
I've invested in men but that's about it. It's super one way.
a bathtub, but it's a cauldron atop open flames
I've never seen a Pixar movie and not said "Hey! That's Cliff from Cheers"
My cat licked my phone screen and it faved your tweet, just thought you should know.
Netflix just asked me if I'm still watching The Boondocks because it's 4:30 AM and I already ate all the spaghetti, go to bed.
*calls telemarketer back from earlier in the day* "you up?"
*looks up at night sky* Will i ever be a milf
A group of white guys in navy is called a Cape Cod
My ideal date involves me, the opposite sex and silence while we stare at our phones and drink.
That was a really funny tweet.
I hope Paul Walker's brother that's filling in for Fast 7 is named Saul.
Matzah is terrible. Feels good to get that off my chest after 34 years.
Reliving my youth and going to a college bar. Like college, I'll drink too much, text the wrong men and go home alone.
Can't remember offhand if I've watched any Roberts ice skate.
Toddler: Why. But why. Ok, but why.
BECAUSE THE UNIVERSE BENDS YOU OVER AND FUCKS YOU UP THE ASS EVERY CHANCE IT GETS.
An infants entertainment…
*try’s to shove fist in mouth*
Sounds like me drunk on a Saturday night.
Sorry I didn't get any housework done today, but I used up all my energy keeping a protective psychic force field around you.