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I don't even own less than three TV's.
I've yet to see Ronda Rousey without a "who farted?" look on her face.
Ever wonder if you're missing out because you only watched "Regarding Henry" once?
I just volunteered for something. It's like I don't even know me anymore.
Cosmetology school: 10k
YouTube "self haircut" video: Free
Not crying after a haircut for the first time in forever: PRICELESS.
Fun Fact: When a "friend" initiates the sexy talk with your man behind your back, it's perfectly legal to burn their house to the ground.
Sing me a whiskey lullaby.
My car was stolen from my driveway last night. Thugs.
I've lost 20 lbs in 2 months by basically only eating peanut butter, refusing to grocery shop & practicing good ol' fashioned self loathing.
That guy who smelled sex and candy was a diabetic pervert
I'll believe animals are people when I say "arrest this monkey!" and somebody actually does something.
I'll be your antagonist, baby.
Subtweeting my wife up in the club
I work full time but I identify as retired.
Lip balm makes me happy.
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