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Is it reasonable to buy two of all my favorite makeup things so I can start to stock my apocalypse bunker?
My answer to everything ....."um, because I have a toddler".
Me: People on Twitter think my grouchiness is charming bc they don't have to live with me.
BF: I love you?
My 13 y.o. son said he thinks Ben Carson is "retarded or a sociopath," and he might be right, if not politically correct.
You're allowed to tweet as much as you want
BRO TIP: dance with him in a meadow
Anyone know if sizzler is open on thanksgiving
Last night I tried to sneak a picture of the bartender who looks exactly like Shia Labeouf, but the waitress kept catching me and glaring.
Health experts claim it's healthier to stick a cigarette up your butt than to smoke it. "We like doing this," said one scientist
I believe in santa. I also believe breaking & entering is illegal.
Bro do u even believe in santa
What are you guys going as this christmas
13 said lightsabers are unrealistic b/c a beam of light just stops. I kicked him out of the house for not knowing they're made of plasma.
Sorry I poked you in the face while you were telling me about your colonoscopy; I was trying to find the unsubscribe button.
Lip balm makes me happy.
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