You can totally have chicken nuggets for every meal if you wanna. Live your life.

I just fought battle #12 in the war of Lori tries to feed the birds despite the squirrels. I WILL NOT SURRENDER! Ok that was a bit dramatic.

Doing so much sex right now. So much. All kinds too. Like super kinky stuff. All over the place. Oh yeah.

I live each day like nobody’s watching. Basically I never leave my home.

People always mean way more to me than I ever mean to them. Happy Friday you guys!!!

I talked to a bunny and 3 birds today. Disney princess achievement unlocked.

Just had a chat with my pillow about how some people think I’m crazy but I’m not.

People should be able to hit the pause button on real life sometimes and just go have a playdate.

UPS guy: I’m here to pick something up.

Me: Oh you mean like me?

UPS guy: …

Me: *hands over Amazon return*

I wonder if my twitter crush is going to like the collage I made of our avis together using every single Instagram filter.

Sometimes mean kids would call me Four Eyes, but I loved my glasses or ‘tear catchers’ as I called them.

Everyone in school said I was the prettiest. By everyone, I mean Mr. Porter, the janitor…my lunch buddy.

My mom used to call peeing “making it rain” and now I can’t watch The Weather Channel without pissing myself.

Who wants to start a band?

@wordsofahooker You were right Chris. RT @pseudofauxme: Started at the bottom now I’m still at the bottom because I’m a power bottom.

I’ve watched every single episode of Downton Abbey. I think I know my way around a pair of britches.

Who do you notify if you are POSITIVE your stuffed animals come alive at night?

@obviousnichole lol you shouldn’t encourage my weirdness. :)

I wore nothing but a sheet wrapped around me like a cape to go fetch some coffee. I’m like some sort of caffeine superhero!