Last night's @punchcomedy was incredible. A @chriscubas, @mattysadler, @djnastythoughts and @matt_bearden lineup is unbeatable. #FISTERS

If I had a superpower, it'd be the ability to feel comfortable in my own skin for once. That or the power to blow shit up with my eyeballs.

@moontowercomedy Here: @kathbarbadoro @matt_bearden @mattysadler @michaelcpriest @bryangutmann @chriscubas @johntole @thedanielgallo

Today's #FF: @adamwolf77 because it's the only way to get him to RT me.

@fluffieducky I JUST SHOPLIFTED SAUSAGE AND CHEESE FROM HEB

Even though the flu has kept me from updating DropToeHold, @dapantzbx managed to put up a great look at @cmpunk's reign  http://bit.ly/TR3Ky6 

Today's @dudleyandbob #STFUAPSM winner, Songs About God, @johntole with "God Hates Us All" by SLAAAAAYYYEEEEERRR (automatic win).

David Dewhurst is on the news now talking to voters while cradling a bag of Chick-fil-A. Goddamn disgusting fucking politicians.

Listener @adamwolf77 will be competing in tonight's Funniest Person in Austin contest! Send him your messages of good luck! #adamwoof

@bionicelbow sounds good, brother. Is the Hulkster in the house (check him out, check him out)?

Got sent a company email asking employees to "synch" their Facebook and Twitter accounts to their company email...  http://yfrog.com/kh485mg 

@electricpencils Gross. If it's not "jetting through outer space in a Pontiac Firebird" kinda music, I want no part of it.

.@briangaar I look forward to watching your upcoming Comedy Central sketch-show, Gaar-Out!™.

You guys need to leave Manti Te'os girlfriend alone! She just goes to school in the next town over, that's all. You'll see!

.@kathbarbadoro Can we start a Kickstarter going to get @chriscuba's Internet back on? That's how Kickstarter works, right?

@vampira666_ LIES! FLU SHOTS ARE GOVERNMENT SPONSORED EXPERIMENTAL MIND CONTROL SHOTS! YOU'RE JUST A PUPPET FOR THE ILLUMINATI!!!

Yep. No real power. RT @adamwolf77 @dudleyandbob #Warriors: The God in the bible is the @daledudley of deities.

@adamwolf77 I read that @daledudley is a hatchet-man for the New World Order. #infowars

@austom1 @gamefaceman I want him to say no just so Dale can lose his mind!

Congratulations, @daledudley! Bernie made @friendlessmean's Top 10 of 2012!! He's a good guy with taste!