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The pet store sold me a pregnant hamster. I'm now a midwife and I think a grandmother. Holy crap, someone poor me a drink.
Good thing I'm smart, because I'm not getting by on looks today.
The fact that OCD is not in alphabetical order, must drive people insane with the disorder.
My son is having a staring contest with the honey bee on the Cheerios box,
Last night I was called horrible names by a man that acts like a child.This morning I was called great names by a child that acts like a man
So tell me, how does it feel knowing I'm going to use you as an example in my Ego Psychology class today?
A boy makes his girl jealous of other women. A man makes other women jealous of his girl.
If I laugh or star a tweet that you don't think is funny, it just means you've been spared the experience that makes the tweet funny.
Yesterday, I swore I would never set foot in that town again. God laughed and said "See you there tomorrow bitch."
What the hell do you wear on a rain soaked hike .... other than waterproof mascara and a white tee shirt.
My toilet is fixed if you want to stop by and flush your bullshit.
Of all the women you stick your penis in, why do I have to be the one you like to mind fuck?
My son is stomping around the house blaming me for the amount of homework he gets, soccer practice & the fact he's crying. I'm such a bitch
From the level of your crazy, I believe you left out a childhood story or two.
The only thing I have time to commit to at this point in my life, is a pet rock.
I'm doing that thing that I do, when I don't want to do the thing I have to do, which often leads to my undoing.
Avoided Twitter yesterday & was very efficient & productive. Got on Twitter this morning & I'm already debating whether I need to shower.
I've been up since 4:00 a.m., so something is bothering my subconscious. I request that the "something" be annoying during daylight hours.
My friend came over last night for a quick 2 hour catch up. She left 5 hours & 3 bottles later. I can't remember a damn thing she said.
I tweet so I don't have to apologize for saying out loud what you were thinking.