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The pet store sold me a pregnant hamster. I'm now a midwife and I think a grandmother. Holy crap, someone poor me a drink.
The fact that OCD is not in alphabetical order, must drive people insane with the disorder.
My son is having a staring contest with the honey bee on the Cheerios box,
Last night I was called horrible names by a man that acts like a child.This morning I was called great names by a child that acts like a man
So tell me, how does it feel knowing I'm going to use you as an example in my Ego Psychology class today?
A boy makes his girl jealous of other women. A man makes other women jealous of his girl.
If I laugh or star a tweet that you don't think is funny, it just means you've been spared the experience that makes the tweet funny.
Yesterday, I swore I would never set foot in that town again. God laughed and said "See you there tomorrow bitch."
What the hell do you wear on a rain soaked hike .... other than waterproof mascara and a white tee shirt.
Of all the women you stick your penis in, why do I have to be the one you like to mind fuck?
My son is stomping around the house blaming me for the amount of homework he gets, soccer practice & the fact he's crying. I'm such a bitch
From the level of your crazy, I believe you left out a childhood story or two.
The only thing I have time to commit to at this point in my life, is a pet rock.
I'm doing that thing that I do, when I don't want to do the thing I have to do, which often leads to my undoing.
Avoided Twitter yesterday & was very efficient & productive. Got on Twitter this morning & I'm already debating whether I need to shower.
When I have no time, I go to @notkarma 's page & favorite whoever he RT's, because I trust him like my mother's, brother's, uncles' roomate.
I've been up since 4:00 a.m., so something is bothering my subconscious. I request that the "something" be annoying during daylight hours.
My friend came over last night for a quick 2 hour catch up. She left 5 hours & 3 bottles later. I can't remember a damn thing she said.
I tweet so I don't have to apologize for saying out loud what you were thinking.
