There are no such things as pessimistic views, only realistic ones which we find depressing.

@brothrbubblgum We're all a little fucked, man; it's a game of degrees.

Could a glaring of cats take a murder of crows?

I think Bruce Banner has the right idea. I don't have character flaws, I have superpowers!

Time is an illusion. Distance, however, is a bitch you can't escape.

@brothrbubblgum Peniscentric (not to point fingers).

There's nothing wrong with misanthropy. Unless you happen to be a person.

Acknowledging that panic serves no viable purpose and cutting it out of your life are two vastly different propositions.

Ever notice when someone tells you they have faith that you'll make the right choice, they're either being condescending or outright lying?

Life's too short to hold a grudge. Unfortunately, it's not long enough to do anything else.

Does it ever seem like everyone and everything, like life itself is out to get you? Yeah, that's called perception bias. Get over yourself.

Nerd pride just fills my heart. Thanks go out to Felicia Day and The Guild crew for setting that pride to a wicked beat. #imtheonethatscool

Which is worse, pretending you understand what's going on, or letting people see how utterly lost you are?

You know why there are so many end of the world believers? We don't want to believe we have to be responsible indefinitely.#doomsday

@lindsayrosemock A)One third of this country works nights. B)Statistically, most college graduates are liberals.

@brothrbubblgum 'This just in! Rape no longer a crime! According to perpetrators, it 'feels right'!'

Starting a sentence with 'I'm not a racist, but...' is the same as starting a sentence with 'I'm a racist, and...'. #honesty

@brothrbubblgum Penisphobia

@brothrbubblgum Penophilia

Voting: We each barely count for anything, but it's better than counting for nothing.