I knew I shouldn't have gotten excited about having that much toilet paper.

My daughter just told me she's not my slave. Well.... Yeah, you are.

Ding dong the psychos gone

Sitting in the parking lot at work. I'm trying to catch the building on fire with my thoughts.

Ok... fuck today. Its a wrap for my attitude.

Everyone Just Calm Down

If traffic was always like this it would cut my hostility significantly.

Jamie told Jess we were having ham for dinner. She didnt tell her it was for Thursday.. poor baby thought she was gonna get to eat today.

Back rub

I hate people that think twitter is a competition. Stupid fucks.

Mid life crisis can be fun somedays

Potluck at the office... the luck part is for hoping you dont end up in the hospital with food poisoning.

Everybody jokin bout Twinkies but my neighbor lost his job.

Fuck all that homemade bullshit, be thankful you got anything on that table.

Bird just shit on my head leaving work.

Been in bed for 2 days. Prolly won't get up today either.

I dwell far too much in the negative, but that's my comfort zone.

Do your balls hang low, do they wobble to an fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow?

I think the time has come to just start sterilizing everyone at birth.

I know somebody who's lost their fuckin mind. Its a secret though.