I don't talk to most of the chicks on here, cause I don't like dudes.

If you're over 25 and you still work at Hot Topic, I bet you're parent's basement smells like Kush, dirty puss, and attempted suicide.

Every time a white girl sucks my dick, I donate a dollar to the Abusive Father Foundation.

When I go on job interviews I always tell them that my name is Kunta Kinte, I mean what kind of racist fuck wouldn't hire Kunta Kinte.

I don't have any tattoos, because you don't put a bumper sticker on a Bentley.

Watching a Michael Cera porn would probably be just like watching Woody Allen shop for fruit.

Some funny nigga stole my mood ring and now I think I'm mad, but I'm just not sure.

One man's trash (is another man's daughter) is sitting on my face, right now.

Before I fuck a hooker, I make her play Grand Theft Auto with me, just so she knows what she's getting into.

If you text me and I text you right back it means my girl friend has my phone, so just text me "I'll see you at work tomorrow."

You can take a nigga out the hood, but you can't take the hoodie off a white girl without her screaming rape.

I'm the black James Bond, Jamaal Bond. I drive a convertible 'Lac, all my Bond bitches are thick as hell and my main nemesis is the Man.

I've got a date tonight with a girl I met on match.com. All I know about her is, she likes to party, her name is Casey and she has no kids.

No sorry, I don't like milkshakes, I came out to the yard because I heard there's horse shoes.

If a girl waits til the 3rd date to give me some pussy, I just wait til the 4th date to dump her.

Every time a chick tells me that she loves me, I take my dick out of her ass, wipe it off on her sheets and leave through the window.

I love my followers, which is why I play all these games with ya'll, but ya'll some no starring bitches.

Have you ever taken a shit that made you wonder if you were gay?

I'd call most of you racist, if you weren't so funny.

I go to church for the pussy.