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Anyone know how to remove melted barbie corvette from the dishwasher?
Wife just sent a text saying U better come upstairs if you want some. I'm not falling for that trap we're not allowed to have food upstairs.
If you haven't woke up on the kitchen floor using the pizza box as a pillow. Then you need to vacation with me.
What am I doing wrong?
I put my business card inside Vibrators at Walmart and not one call back?
My safe word?!
Hmmmm, I’m not the one tied to the bed lil girl.
Not sure why I have typos, 15years of school & 7 years of college. I should be able to do more then make a pipe out of ANYTHING.
Things I have learned from Twitter
Fuck like its UR last fuck
Pull her hair harder
Never tell her to CALM Down
Say U Love her everyday
Remember when holding hands was enough for a BJ?
Now its,EAT ME 1st,spank my ass,pull my hair,go wash that thing while you go get more wine.
I go deep with my tongue, making sure to get all sides, even using tools. Not caring that my face gets messy
**Me licking the brownie bowl.
This driving with out typos shit is hard.
Things I say b4 drinking self 2 sleep
Twitter success has nothing 2 do with follower #s
Wish I had Tits.
Y hasn't she RT
Remember wearing ur cowboy hat, boots & riding the couch arm like it was a horse while watching the westerns?
I still do but without pants
If you have never jumped out a 2nd story window when the pizza guy knocks on the door, you weren’t smoking what I was in college.
Sometimes a Princess needs a good slap on the ass, just so she remembers who the King is!
I'm huge with the insomniacs! Those fuckers star anyone at 3am.
The youngest brought in my cell charger. She's getting a pony for Christmas!
Guy at work took credit for my idea.
I'm dragging his pens through my ass crack. That's how I say FUCK YOU without HR Intervention.
Paid an extra 25K on our house so we could live in the 10 mile delivery zone of the liquor store. Live by the code!
I could spend hours in the liquor store dreaming.
~ If it wasn’t for the morning shakes
Office gal connected all of my paper clips together in my desk is that code she wants me to fuck her till she can't walk or just being silly
Bad Ass Scooter rider (Jumped a curb once) I drink & RT a lot. Just here for laughs & smiles.