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One Fish, Two Fish, Dead Fish, New Fish. #SadChildrensBooks
If only Twitter's "Whoops! You already said that!" could pop up on my forehead every time someone tries to tell me a story for the 5th time.
WOMEN ALL OVER THE COUNTRY HAVE BEEN FREED FROM ROMNEY'S BINDERS
Chris Brown won, so nobody has to get hurt tonight. #grammys
I like cheese. PLEASE RT.
Only 364 more shopping days 'til Christmas!
I think people often confuse the term "bully" with "asshole".
WHERE WERE THE FARMERS WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT AT THE SUPERDOME
"Free casket with every bacon sundae!" -Burger King, probably
As a seemingly-abled man got into the giant Hummer he parked in a handicapped spot, I asked him if tiny penises qualify as a disability.
I hope Ryan Seacrest gets something...anything dumped on him again tonight. PAGING SACHA BARON COHEN PLEASE REPORT TO THE RED CARPET
I wish this debate was picture-in-picture so we could see Joe Biden laughing at everything Mitt Romney says.
Pork: The other white meat that is also a verb.
No electricity; practically living like they did on the prarie. I'm 2 braids & a bad overbite away from being Laura Ingalls.
My new indie band name is OH MY GOD SHUT UP ANNE HATHAWAY.
Trusted the world over for my taste in liquor, sausages & trouble-making; not necessarily in that order. Prez of Oliver the Basset Hound Fan Club.