instead of worrying about going organic w/ ur diet contemplate why ur children are flaming assholes

Sorta one of those "before turning the gun on himself" type of days.

'You should see my dick!'-My new default reply to someone telling me that my 'shirt is cool'

Dog fighting ring has such a negative connotation, I run a Canine MMA league.

For a limited time i WILL give a shit. Send me a self adressed stamped envelope......

The best thing about blasting Pantera is no one EVER has the guts enough to yell "turn that shit down."

I run people blaring Nickleback in their car off the road regularly, it is what jesus would do.

Christians! If Christ DIED for us i'm sure he can handle some crass jokes on the internet and would denounce the hate you all fester in.

I don't even call them relationships. I refer to them as prologues to restraining orders.

Oh, so it's fine to stand outside a chicks house + blare Peter Gabriel, but you play Slipknot and it get's creepy? Is it the mask?

Sometimes killing the messenger is the easiest way to send a message.

women can't live w/ 'em, can't explain away the smell to the neighbors

They speak of my cubicle in hushed voices. They call it the dark place.

Yeah that figures your water broke. I'm in the middle of a lapdance here.

1. Find medical pics of diseased genitalia 2. Put them on your phone. 3. Wander around social functions asking 'Should I be alarmed?

You are the most beautifully disturbing masterpiece of psychological fuckeditude I've ever met.

"Wait! ..... that BASTARD!!!"- the last line of my eulogy. Hopefully.

when my wife is menstrating I call her by the pet name of UNCLEAN

So Srry my bottomless depression 'bums you out' let me assure you it's all puppy farts and rainbows in my head, you self centered cunt.

thank the maker that the girl scouts only sell cookies once a year or I just might lose that foot to diabeties.