Lost in the corn maze. Send help, butter and salt.

Why, why, why? Why do I leave things till the last minute?
Which begs the question,why am I reading tweets when I have so much to do?
Right.

If I get to the crosswalk & you're already waiting for the light to change, I push the button anyway because I don't trust you did it right.

Today in honor of Albert Einstein's birthday, I'm rocking the mad scientist hair. Theories to follow.

Things I've accomplished at work today:
1. Drank coffee
2. Stapled things
3. Read turkey tweets
4. Choreographed dance to Deck the Halls

I'm probably getting more pleasure out of this electric gum-massaging toothbrush than Colgate intended.

Did my makeup at red lights on the drive to work, now I'm admiring the silhouette of a Bluetooth earpiece on my right cheek!
#art

I've reached the time when the Ghost of Christmas Past is settled firmly on my hips.

What's proper decorum for an aging punk rocker when surrounded by hipsters & emo music?
Help me out here!

Soup of the Day:

Miso Tired.

In hindsight, it would've been better to PRETEND to back my van into the garage wall in order to come up with a joke about it.

"God bless us everyone!"*

-Tiny Tim**


*Look at me I have a pee pee

** Tiny Tim on public twitpic account

The putting up the Christmas lights here went really well except for the part where I haven't found the damn lights yet.

Some call it refinishing antique furniture. I call it wiping the table after my kids have eaten.

I may or may not have been wearing a particular clothing item inside out all day at work.

Status: caffeinated

If there's one thing I've decided, it's that we could all use the word kibosh a little more frequently.

I'd really like a Christmas avatar but I'm having a hard time finding a Santa hat big enough to fit on this pineapple.

I am not going to make a snarky tweet about a 30-something that needs "denominations" explained to them. I am not.

My conscience has a very loud voice today, it seems.