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Fact: i would rather drink hot anything than refill icecube trays.
Every time I see a black suburban I think it's the FBI or a rapper. Neither of which I want in my neighborhood.
We're now replacing every bad word in my house w/ a food. So, spaghetti, u, u porkchop lickin macaroni wad of a waste of cheeseburger space!
Which panties go w/ desperate? Pink or red?
Read my favorite tweets 2 a friend n he never laughed once. Ahh, I remember the days I didn't get twitter.
the level of slut a woman is can b directly measured by how high her thong sticks out above her jeans.
I bet Barney has a huge dino dong. -my thoughts while watching tv w/ my boys.
Wish i had a man here so i can run around pretending i don't realize i'm being whorish in t-shirts and panties while he moved heavy stuff.
I don't get y this guy w/ his finger cut off is upset about me tweeting in the ambulance. It's not like me and his finger r goin ne where.
even stoned out of my mind, i followed a conversation a 6 yr college student couldn't. Go university education. Pass out marijuana.
'Faded glory' is probably not the best name 4 ur clothing brands walmart. #fadeddignity
Washing dishes would b more fun if somebody else was doing it and I was drunk.
I call my mother in law, mom. Mostly bcause she scares me and she saw my vag during my children's births.
When I say, I want a man in charge, I want a fucking MAN. Do not ask me if I like it. MAKE ME like it. Smack my ass while ur @ it.
After following the poop trail around the house, I realized letting my son go w/out a diaper 2 ease his diaper rash was a bad idea.
Xplaining that there's a difference in camo patterns 2 nonhunters is as worthless as them explaining 2 me the difference in tofus.
If somebody threatened my kids, I know I could rip the head off their shoulders w/ my bare hands. Yet I can't open this soda bottle.
I would blow the ice cream man who just drove down my street 4 a snickers ice cream bar
Is it bad that I bought my dad a bottle of xanax and a bag of expensive weed 4 fathers day?
neighbor boy asked if I needed help when I was dragging a bag of mulch outside. Fought off the urge 2 say. "Yeah, I need help w/ my panties"