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I just came in my pants. RT @obiiieeee: A BUNCH OF DADS TWERKING TO THE FULL HOUSE THEME SONG AND JUST LOVING EVERY MOMENT OF IT
@bitchkrieg Battering Brownies? Count me in. I'll bring a cheese plate.
@torrami Don’t trust Japanese baby instructions - they have you pooping and puking on each other - oh, wait. TRY the Japanese instructions!
.@aspersioncast Colonel Sanders WILL emerge from cryosleep to lead his greasy, spicy army!
.@aspersioncast No! Store manager = Captain, Regional Director = Major, KFC CEO = Lt. Colonel.
So you <3 Islam? RT @ricksantorum: How about standing for core freedoms not politically correct ones with Radical Islam http://t.co/SEbbQY3n
Hey, @thenardvark , cut @sarahpalinusa some slack. She’s busy teachin’ her grandson some good ol’-fashioned hatin’.
Jesus, I've ordered three beers already - how long do I have to wait for the bartender with the huge rack to offer me a BJ in the pool room?
@shittingtonuk Damn it, your phony plot summaries are ruining normal, craptastic TV for me!
@thenardswife Don't worry, Santorum will take care of those pesky women's rights for ya!
@stellartwot is that code?
RT @timisnuts: "People assume I'm using alcohol as a crutch, but actually it's more of a wheelchair." For me it's an iron lung.
.@letsgetgizzy: "Finger her for The Giz" is my new motto!
@letsgetgizzy Country Strong? It's like I don't even KNOW you anymore! <Runs away sobbing.>
@brenzilla @hairicaaa @robfee @sidecarsally @its_mkat Yes, calling out unfollowers is uncool. Fire cleanses all!
@lifeofliriope I hope *you* don't pay attn. to the music you listen to on Spotify! Kidding - I'm not a FB friend. but I KNOW WHAT U MEAN ;-)
@tackie_jackie NO YOUR LYING I HATE YOU I HATE You.. You're lying... You're... lying... women don't do that... do they? (Mommy?)
@tackie_jackie So, did huz wind up using your bath towel to wipe?
@nukethemaly That's understandable, I can never remember how many "u's" you Brits put in "orange." It's "ourangue," right?
. @elibraden no, see, @official_dpete is just upset because cum killed his grandmother :-(
Stats can't be shown as @IFeelYourPalin has never signed in to Favstar.