@IForgetWht8Was4's (Michael) most faved Tweets...
Employee appreciation day. Bowling. Without booze. I always suspected I'd die in an alley, but this isn't what I had in mind.
16
i gave up television in the hopes that I would read more. It's actually just made masturbation less spontaneous.
13
bah. premature tweet. i swear this has never happened to me before...you want a kleenex or something?
11
My assistant knows I judge my day by how many glasses of wine I need when I get home.
"How many glasses tonight?"
"Vodka."
"How many glasses tonight?"
"Vodka."
9
Yeah, she has self-esteem issues. It's not that she's bulimic, she just counts sticking her finger down her throat as touching herself.
8
Nat'l Coming Out Day makes me wish I were gay. I need a way to alienate my family, and get some peace & quiet. Also, better fashion, dancing
8
Sad: Girl who follows me stopped starring my stuff after she started tweeting about her boyfriend. Sadder: I noticed this.
8
Roast chicken is my comfort food, so my depression has a body count. A delicious poultry body count.
7
I stopped talking to him 10 years ago, so I don't have the slightest fucking clue what MY Dad says.
6
I don't know what went wrong with my campaign. I did a lot of retail politics. Door to door, kissing hands and shaking babies.
6
Went to 80's themed party wearing the air guitar outfit from Risky Business. Lesson learned: tighty whities are a bold fashion statement.
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i swear to all that is holy, i just had a conversatiion about jaywalking with a man who had no nose. I'm going home before things get weird.
6
Seriously what do people with mirrors over their bed do when they have the flu? Or does all the gangbanging make your immunity unstoppable?
5
Benchmarks after a break up: depression, booze, bargaining, stalking, acceptance, thinking about her when you masturbate.
5
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