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You can't change your underwear unless your underwear wants to change.
"Yes, I'd like a venti mocha, please." "Can I have a name for the order?" "Batman, er, I mean, Bruce."
"I have *cough* a confession *cough* to make. We did *cough* *cough* start the fire." - Billy Joel on his deathbed.
You own an encyclopedia? That explains a lot.
I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man wearing sandals with socks then I felt much better.
Your dog loves the idea of you.
I was much younger when I was a baby.
We've adopted a cub, so bear with us.
"I like yellow Starbursts." - Hitler.
The waiter asked me what sides I wanted with my meal and I told him "left and right."
"That phone is poison!" - Alexander Graham Bell Biv Devoe.
All cats are ninjas, yet not all ninjas are cats.
Frankie Goes To Hollywood And All He Gets Is A Lousy T-Shirt
Studies show that most people are in the majority.
"Okay, that'll do." - the inventor of chunky peanut butter.
I'm tired of clouds thinking they're above us.
I feel like I'm going nowhere running on this treadmill.
"I would like to place my badawoobly squooloo in your squoomim speeka." - Bill Cosby sexting.
I only have 26 letters to work with. Don't expect any miracles. I was on a podcast once: http://bit.ly/18zxVBH