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I ATE ALL THE HALLOWEEN CANDY AND NOW I CAN TASTE COLORS
Whoever's using my bathtub right now is in a lot of hot water.
I wish there were more foods you could eat on the cob.
Never trust a duck to handle your financial affairs.
Old face Renée Zellweger in the streets, new face Renée Zellweger in the sheets.
I could be a tightrope walker *trips over own feet*
So, is there a Mrs. Ed?
An avocado went bad in my hands and I was powerless to stop it.
Come on Eileen? Only if she wants me to.
You can tune a piano but you can't escape the inevitability of death.
Whoever invented the trash compactor really crushed it.
There's no imagination in today's music *puts on the song "Black Sabbath" by Black Sabbath from the album "Black Sabbath."*
Sorry I called you Neal, Neil.
Owls are terrible telephone operators.
"Whoa!" - Keanu Reeves at any given moment.
Smoking a cigar is good if you're going for that "eating a turd" look.
"That bow tie looks good on you." - liars.
I only have 26 letters to work with. Don't expect any miracles. I was on a podcast once: http://t.co/ruDgY2lwPd