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A Kickstarter to get me to stop tweeting.
Actually, The Rock's real name is Theodore Rockington.
The ol' delete button's getting plenty of action from me tonight.
I once saw a man walk into the Beyond section of Bed Bath & Beyond and was never seen again.
Can't believe Batman only gets a day while sharks get an entire week.
Top five new Oreo flavors:
1968 Chevy Camaro
There's a lunatic living under my hat.
Honing my future parenting skills by spanking my co-workers.
This would be a good night to avenge your parents' death.
Nap, and the whole world naps with you.
LeAnn Rimes because LeAnn likes to write poetry.
Squash is my favorite plant that's also a sport that's also a verb.
Wilson in the streets, Phillips in the sheets.
Any thermometer can be a rectal thermometer if you have enough lube.
Let's turn this fungme and fungyou into fungus.
Got disqualified from "Chopped" for trying to cook a shoe.
"I don't know, let me sleep on it" is my stock answer for everything.
A swan is just a goose with an attitude.
I only have 26 letters to work with. Don't expect any miracles.