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Lay down your arms. They’re tired and need some sleep.
Rock Lobster > Jazz Lobster
Behind every man is a woman, shaking her head.
You can like big butts. It’s not illegal.
Why would you feel the need to lie about big butts?
One man’s capital I is another man’s lowercase l.
First day of prison, run up to the biggest guy and rip the tag off his mattress.
Will I be able to understand Yeezy Season 3 if I haven’t seen Yeezy Seasons 1 or 2?
Eyes as glazed as a Krispy Kreme donut.
chicken noodle soap
Kanye’s announced the name of his next kid! https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/697199554807099394 …
Some people like eating Hot Pockets. I prefer eating pockets that have a nice personality.
The worst part of a blind date is when the guide dog humps your leg.
Ask your doctor if feeling the Bern is right for you.
Never bring a dog to a cat fight.
Too old to make a living at comedy, too young to die. As seen in @playboy, @mandatory, @pleatedjeans, @theCHIVE, etc. http://bit.ly/18zxVBHiuuyyb
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