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What is the 9 year old rapper, 'Lil Poopy, gonna call himself when he grows up? Massive Dump?
My phone has changed my default text tone to "Baby Come Back." I feel like that tossed out broom being replaced by the Swiffer Sweeper :/
While walking through the hygiene aisle, it occurred to me how much nicer the world would be if ALL douches were disposable!
This Thanksgiving I hope you are grateful for your blessings and still have the decency to keep your hands off my giblets. AMEN
Old man in tight leather pants before I've had my first cup of coffee. I only hope the mayans were right.
Am I the only one questioning the quality of the 'buy one - get TWO free" suits from Jos. A. Banks?
You know you've had a bad day when the Yogi Bear Remix makes you want to break things~
Lazy night= Me using dog shampoo rather than go to the store. It is a lovely apricot scent w/shed control + odor elimination! WIN-WIN!
The fact that my latest nightmare focused on a carpet stain that doesn't exist, might indicate that I need to get out more.
A helpful flowchart for anyone who thinks they're funny on Twitter. http://t.co/8AsZJGFm via @happyplace
Dear Auto Correct, quit correcting my swear words, you piece of shut!
Jack Handey's DEEP THOUGHTS wrote: If you love something let it go. If it comes back, maybe you love a boomerang.
Jack Handey's DEEP THOUGHTS wrote: I wonder if tap dancers ever walk into a room, look at the floor, and think, "I'd tap that."
I decided to wave and smile at everyone I passed on the road today. The Result: innocent guy gets cold cocked by his girl. Tee Hee Hee.
Anytime the news headline leads with someone "switching teams," I assume Anne Heche is just trying to get publicity.
H8R of personalized license plates. Known to high five myself in the mirror. Inventor of the spork.
