Twitter is where you can be nailed to the cross for a misspelled word by people who haven't read a book since sixth grade.

Tweets that get sent when Favstar is down know how sperm feel when they find out it's a blowjob. Yep.

Just got unfollowed by someone coz I hadn't been starring him. You, my friend, are what's wrong with Twitter. :|

Your stupidity is outside my jurisdiction.

I don't mind being unfollowed as long as you've seen Cape Fear.

Star this if you want to be unfollowed.

I'm an adult. I'm not on here to prove to kids that I'm incapable of being offended.

Harry Potter often gets confused between his cooking pot and best mate. They are both cauldron. Cc: @peanutbut

You can gain a pretty decent amount of followers by trying to lose them.

When I was a kid, I was VERY good at masturbating. Some things never change.

Mind is really a wonderful thing to fuck with.

It's always best to exercise very early in the morning, before your brain wakes up and figures out what you're doing. Yep

If your life isn't occasionally a huge fucking mess, you ain't really living it.

Fuck me or die trying. Or something.

Facebook. Creating amateur detectives since 2004. Bah.

It'd be better if you get your car horn changed from a honking sound to a booming voice yelling, 'Get off the phone, bitch!' Seriously.

Lol. Nice try people who put independent thinker in your bio.

To get into character I login using my name and password.

Women are superior to men when it comes to evil in it's purest form.

I'm ready for anything. This morning I put Red Bull into my coffeemaker instead of water. Now, I can see noises. Yep.