Is this a private joke, or can anyone join?

I hate when I accidently type what I'm thinking.

If my best friend was a Wookie, no one would mess with me.

Chris Matthews just made the best point: "Just because the rich have money, we assume they're smart."
They're NOT. #Hardball

Red pill, Blue pill. I would have taken them both...just in case.

What we need is about 10 more ridiculous detective shows.

It's funny how some of the 'special' people on twitter (celebs) ask a direct question, but NEVER have the decency to thank you for answering

If I were rich, I would unfollow ALL you LOSERS, and only have cool followers.

Unless you've been poor, don't talk about how easy it would be to NOT be.

The great thing about a phone interview: It doesn't interrupt your morning shit.

If twitter is your way of playing some kind of game with people, don't follow me. I'm here to be social and friendly.

Please don't retweet hate.

My whole life has been a misunderstanding.

Do you think I can pay my rent in gum?

If I get on your nerves here on Twitter, just remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

My kitty is so very social. Where ever I go, she goes. It's like having a friend.

If you tweet a tweet, and nobody reads the tweet, was it ever a tweet?

I forgot to give the subject for my new followers 500 word essay. It's: How does Socialism effect the economy on a first world country?

When people don't 'get you'...just smile. It's probably their low IQ that's got them perplexed.

I'm the luckiest guy in the world! All these people over seas keep sending me their money. Still waiting. I'll buy you all something.