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Just passed a guy yelling at a dead cat and thought, if I'm not already, wish I was following him on Twitter
The gay, Japanese chef at my work just told me, in broken English that my coworker has a fat pussy. There's a joke in there somewhere
Just started Twitter and I have to say, all you bitches are way funnier than all the real douchebags I know on Facebook
Just started Twitter but I think I'm a natural cuz I have thumbs, a smart phone and I'm a fan of vagina
I whispered to everyone that we should rush the gate at a "quiet riot" show
My toilets been running for the past 2 hours. Take that thirsty African kid
Fat people are funny. Damn you auto-correct, I ment fat. Fat people are fat
I love south Florida. Breakfast n bloody Mary's! Right by da beach. Fuck yo couch
Imagine if there were no more payphone's or Tab cola
My phone wants to change real to teal? Even when I hit
'R' teal is the first option. Must have something to do with chickens and gayness
storage unit lease says I can't store bodies or grills. What am I gonna do with all these bodies & does anyone wanna buy a kick ass grill?
Is it wrong that I just made out with the bar tender just cuz she was hot and had an awesom story bout beat'n some bitches ass last night?
Sext: That time when my superpower is Betty Whites face on a ladybug, bitches love ladybugs. Wait, what am I doing? Oh yeah CUNT
Fuck you pelican, you win this time.
Hermaphrodite sext: I wanna put my vagenis in your pegina
co-founder of atheists for Jesus. something something about that book you like, blah blah your favorite band. I like cheese and whiskey