Im loving these superinjunctions. Rich people spending lots of money to protect their sordid secrets, only for twitter to reveal all.

The wife came home and told me to take off all her clothes. Which i did. She asked me to never wear her stuff again. Awkward.

Somebody rubbed my Buddha.

Twat on tv says riots due to hunger. Fuck off. Theyre nicking tv's, shoes and mobiles. Not food. Get real mate. #londonriots

Mondays are always a bit of a bastard: hence the reason for taking it firmly by the lapels and kicking it in the plums. There. Feel better?

Oh my god. Im about to break into 130 followers. *faints*

I have just rearranged my testicles. I cant begin to tell you how good it felt.

I have just tried to water some plants and ended up flooding the loo instead. A truly awesome first day at work.

Got real coffee probs here. I will have to buy me own. This is not on. Bloody NHS could at least supply coffee. Is that too much to ask?

LUNCH. bloody starving. I will have my usual please. And try not to cough on it this time you dirty bollix.

Blimey. Is that the time? 15 mins and lunch. Rock on.

Now joining the exodus to inner London. Laters.

Nothing worse than dying for a piss while waiting for a bus. Annoying. Have to jog on the spot.

I am currently experiencing a bit of London history by having a fag on the Lambeth Walk. Just thought you should know.

When they do a movie of Arnie's life, they should cast Jackie Stalone as the maid / lover.

I wish i were a waswolf.

Any girl can be a princess. Except asians. That would just look weird.

@mursebrianrn @kleetasm count me in! I love fucking with the zealots. The twats.

The trick with twitter is not to tweet every automatic thought that swims across your conscienceness. *looks thoughtful*

@toddmarrone The nerve!