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the biggest troll I know is this idiot who made me fall in love then lived 4000 miles away
Please tell your friends to stop referring to me as "jizz dracula"
My razor has one blade for every Fast & Furious movie.
if u told me 20yrs ago that we'd have a black prez w/ the middle name Hussein, I'd have kept playing w/ my ninja turtles cuz I was 9 in 1993
damn girl are you a girl because you look like a girl
Stomach: I'm hungry.
Brain: Chill out, dude, she's in a meeting.
Stomach: I WILL NOW DEMONSTRATE A WHALE'S MATING CALL.
is amanda bynes losing it, or is she so sane, smart, & angry at celebrity culture that she's decided to deconstruct & destroy it from within
*girl removes her bra*
*starts sucking me off*
in my head i am megan fox. not the actress but just a fox named megan.
What if we found out Daft Punk were the Olsen twins all along
This new blue nail polish really makes my veins pop.
get out of a ticket by telling the officer you were busy breastfeeding yourself
what would Netflix even do if i sent them back a DVD of me doing karate they'd have no choice but to add it to their collection i suppose
ill take u to the candy shop / ill let u lick the lo- oh shit they have those little gummy hamburgers
We're here today to witness the union of two special people. The lasers we use to fuse them together are very powerful, so goggles on please
Roses are red, violets are purple you fucking moron
*watches childhood home burn down* *stares like Jim Halpert at camera*
If Rob Zombie had really wanted to scare people, he should have made a movie called House of 1000 How My Dreadlocks Smell.
you think toes ever get jealous of fingers
the Garbage Pail Kids version of Zooey Deschanel