A mind is a terrible thing to waste on conversations with real people.

The problem with living each day as if it were the last is that it gets really expensive.

6 years cancer free!

We all say time is a great teacher. Problem is that it kills all of its students.

A friend asked me about twitter & if I have signed up. I say "No, it's probably a porn site or something."

I have never been able to trust anyone named Natasha. You ask why? Well, Natasha spelled backwards is Ah Satan.

I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I'd love to punch in the face.

For many people I know it shouldn't be "guilty until proven innocent", it should be "gullible until proven intelligent"

I crank up classical music when driving so people think I'm an assassin.

If at first you don't succeed. Kill everyone who saw you fail.

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

If you encounter a fork in the road that means that someone is eating spaghetti with their hands.

Sometimes its the thrill of the hunt & not the kill that matters.

Where is the Official Site for Fucking up at?

If I drank holy water I'd probably burst into flames.

Cynic: Someone who knows the price of everything, but the value of nothing.

If zombies eat so much why aren't they fat?

Some people need a high five.


In the face.

With a chair.

Everyone wants to understand women. Why doesn't everyone just accept them like they are and just love them. Its not that hard.

I've met some people whose egos were so big. They needed their own zip codes.