The problem with living each day as if it were the last is that it gets really expensive.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste on conversations with real people.

We all say time is a great teacher. Problem is that it kills all of its students.

6 years cancer free!

I have never been able to trust anyone named Natasha. You ask why? Well, Natasha spelled backwards is Ah Satan.

A friend asked me about twitter & if I have signed up. I say "No, it's probably a porn site or something."

I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I'd love to punch in the face.

If at first you don't succeed. Kill everyone who saw you fail.

I crank up classical music when driving so people think I'm an assassin.

For many people I know it shouldn't be "guilty until proven innocent", it should be "gullible until proven intelligent"

If zombies eat so much why aren't they fat?

If you encounter a fork in the road that means that someone is eating spaghetti with their hands.

Sometimes its the thrill of the hunt & not the kill that matters.

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

Cynic: Someone who knows the price of everything, but the value of nothing.

If I drank holy water I'd probably burst into flames.

Some people need a high five.


In the face.

With a chair.

Where is the Official Site for Fucking up at?

Everyone wants to understand women. Why doesn't everyone just accept them like they are and just love them. Its not that hard.

I've met some people whose egos were so big. They needed their own zip codes.