Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
The bibles you sent were delicious.
Sincerely, starving children
Watching Fox News is tantamount to huffing paint.. if huffing paint made you hate black people, gays, helping people, facts, and Muslims.
I told my wife that I'm not going back to work until I get 100 followers on twitter...She can pay for her own goddamn chemotherapy.
What goes on in my bedroom is between me, my wife, her mom, my girlfriend, her girlfriend, your daughter, my fluffer, and the guy filming.
Got a letter saying a sex offender lived nearby, I sent him a letter saying that the neighbor who blasts country music at 2am has sexy kids.
I was just told I'm the funniest guy on twitter with no 50 star tweets... That was sweet.. should I untie her?
If you love something, let it go.... just kidding... duct tape that shit and keep it in your trunk.
When I hear people imply that we faked the moon landing, I think their mom should have faked a headache the night they were conceived.
Jesus fed 5,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish... Come back Jeebs... I think Africa needs you.
The only difference between living in Alabama and dying.... I can think of cool ways to die.
The title "ufo expert" makes me want to see credentials, Where did you get your ged? how many farm animals have you had sex with?
I'm sick of everyone calling Teabaggers racist... They also hate white people... who don't hate black people.
My friend loves going to class reunions and seeing that his ex gf's got fat, I prefer going to the obituaries and seeing they got dead
Eh... I better not make fun of juggalos... they might spit in my big mac.
For father's day, I'm just gonna tweet about how great my father was... at letting me know I was a disappointment.
"I just jerked off to your pictures" doesn't work as well on facebook as it does on twitter. Also, I have more cousins than I thought.
When I'm sober... I wanna tweet... but when I'm drunk I just wanna piss off people on facebook.
Thomas Jefferson wrote his T's to look like F's.... maybe he just liked to "TUCK" his slaves in before bedtime.
My wife just slipped on her sexy time outfit(carved out armadillo shell with a horn glued on the front)
If you meet a chick in real life that you think you've seen in a porno... start pretending to work on appliances.
I'm the only woman on twitter pretending to be a man... of course... I may just be a clever man that said that just to get you to follow me.....