I feel like the corndog isn't the apex of dipping hot dogs in things, and yet, it seems like there's almost no development in that field.

With Dave & Busters, its pretty easy to tell which one of them handled business and which one handled video games.

WHO WANTS TO COME OVER AND LISTEN TO POP PUNK AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES AND NEVER HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE EVER

The Baltimore Ravens are the only NFL team named after an Edgar Allen Poe story, since the Boston Homicidal Orangutans became the Seahawks.

"Mr. Karmel, have you ever smoked marijuana?"

"No!"

*printed out Netflix history is thrown on table*

*the Jury gasps*

Romney successfully communicated his dumb ideas and I'm supposed to be impressed? That's like somebody nailing a Disturbed song at karaoke.

"CHUG IT DOWN YOUR SPAG HOLE, SHITHEAD" - The Old Spaghetti Factory's edgy new slogan they're gonna start using.

AN OPEN LETTER TO FEMINIST BLOGGERS AND COMEDIANS : pic.twitter.com/mNM5ahyxY2

"Women aren't funny" isn't an opinion, it's a mental disorder.

Rolling down the street, smoking nothing. Sippin' on nothing at all. Streeessssed out.

Mad about Tosh? Mad about the backlash? Conflicted, confusing feelings? Wish you could help? Pour that energy here! http://t.co/FHQjgSl1

They're trying to put fluoride in the water in Portland, and an adult marching band is marching in protest, so now I support fluoride.

The Talking Heads should have been called "Weird Dave and your Dad's Friends"

August 9, 2013. A graphic designer makes a fixed gear bicycle out of pork belly. Portland, Oregon vibrates violently and dematerializes.

Dear Bigots, if gay marriage was legal Jonathon Taylor Thomas could marry Courtney Taylor-Taylor and become Jonathon Taylor Taylor-Taylor.

started doing crossfit jk bought a volcano vaporizer

Portland has disasters, too, ours is just "the weather" and it's like, a nine month disaster.

I WILL OPEN MOUTH KISS THE FIRST 300 PEOPLE TO RETWEET THIS. SERIOUS APPLICANTS ONLY I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING TIME TO WASTE.

Hey, @therealmix, I've got 503 reasons Portland is better than Seattle and only 40 of them are "Macklemore isn't from here."

"Smello everyone, stank you for being here, as you know, the first odor of this Funkministration is the economy." - President Bootsy Collins