Be good to your parents, you don't have as much time as you think. Yesterday I couldn't imagine that I would be burying my mother today.

True dat. RT @thedollsays: Top Tweets Pie Chart http://t.co/OT4rc3h

Baptism by fire today.

Doing out of hours session this morning, patient just rang up cos he had groin pain due to masturbating too vigorously in night #NoJoke #fb

This is what a real fan does when his team loses. United fans, did any of you do this...?  http://i.imgur.com/JKHTl.gif  #MUFC

"No one starts a diet on a Sunday!"

Everyone unfollow @_maryambee so she knows it's real.

#JustSaying pic.twitter.com/RXllXU04

@pinguvsmeercats BarakAllah feek. I found this brief reminder useful:  http://youtu.be/KsVCwyT3TUE 

First time I've come across a cash machine in a mosque. http://t.co/sAwyS6BM

'"Every time a couple gets married two single people die."

"The reason I talk to myself is that I am the only one whose answers I accept." - George Carlin

It's snowing. In April. 40% of the tweets you read today will be on this subject. @madeupstats

Very good piece: 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself | The Best Article Every day http://t.co/xHrpuKaw

Stupid 'fact'. In that case, so is smoking an ounce of crack. Or winning lottery. RT @uberfacts: Sex is an instant cure for mild depression.

@sehr900 @eclecticelfin Yep. But we #OccupyTwitter meet my khaandan. @safaarshad @feddee6184 @realslimshaiby @nisa2281 @immy1901 @ahmeda2k3

A non-believer aka herbivore. Friends, pray for her guidance. RT @eclecticelfin: I hate meat.

How true is this? RT @simsimt: Reading, is undoubtedly Twitter's sacrifice. The more I tweet, the less I read, and vice versa.

"The worst thing about shaytan being locked up is all this nonsense, it's just me." - Mustafa Davis

If you look at your deeds & get disheartened, remember this dua "O Allah deal with me according to your Mercy & not my deeds".