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Starting my new job at the liquor store today. Can't wait to meet all of you finally!
There's such a fine line between genius and insanity that it's hard to tell which side you're on.
You are driving my fucking ass crazy! Move to Georgia already so I can stop thinking about you!!
I love waking up angry. Fuck. You.
Why walk away as friends when you can drag each other through burning coals and broken glass?
I'm so sorry, but I can't follow you back. Your usage, of of commas, drives, me, crazy.
I tried to go black, but he fucked it all up thinking he was Ricco Suave. Now I'll never go back.
Second day at the liquor store complete. Already have a 10am regular who wants to marry me.
Interview tomorrow at the local liquor store. Kinda nervous. How am I supposed to get my morning bottle without bein recognized...
Funny how holding hands with you can become the most erotic foreplay ever
My favorite kind of porn is the type I'm in.
All I want to do is sleep, but you assholes keep writing shit to read! Fuck!
When taking the path less traveled make sure to bring your own toilet paper...
10 years ago I asked my best bro if he was dtf. He said no then came out as gay. Told him if he ever changed his mind to let me know. He did
January can suck my inflamed roids
There just wasn't enough whiskey for this week
Lying here in bed awake, and all I can think of is you... And that leftover cheeseburger in the fridge. Ok, so maybe it's more burger than u
Why did you make sure I fell in love with you before you moved 1200 miles away? You rotten fuck.
I'm a grouchy cynical bitch. Eat me.
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