The girl of my dreams is a bag of weed.

@reesebutcallmev I hope you get pregnant again as soon as you're finished being pregnant. :)

I'd tell you that you'd make a great whore, but it looks like you've already got that covered <3

Instagram would be a lot more fun if I could shoot people for looking stupid in their pictures.

You're so psycho you think you're sane, but you're not.

@catfishmeow Very, unfortunately.

I'm only glad I met you so I know what dumb cunt whores look like.

Ooh another trophy, and from @puddingboobs! Thanks for the pick Pudd! love you :)  http://favstar.fm/t/335540552030380032 …

I was gonna shit where I eat, but she got fired so now I'll just shit after I eat.

Three square meals a day, but vagina.

I think the universe is trying to tell me something, and that's to stay the fuck away from you.

When you waste someone's time on lies & bullshit, you're also wasting your own time to do it. So congrats on being dumb & pointless!

I wish you were naked so I could tell you where to ho.

Once upon a time I wanted to see you naked, but now I don't. The end.

I don't need to be drunk or high to hate you, but I do just to like you.

@mmmbacon_ I hate bacon.

Our relationship may have started when I met you, but it ended once I knew you.

The best tweet you ever wrote was the one where you blocked me and I couldn't see yours anymore.

Your pussy is so insipid that I would need salt and pepper just to eat you out.

I just wanna take you to whore and back again.