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Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to dump a guy but he sensed it coming and he beat you to it?
Yea, that sucks.
You know you had a hell of a good time if you need more than one whole day to recover from it.
Do I really have to yell out a big, loud FUCK OFF straight to your face for you to get the hint?
A common injury amongst gamers, workaholics and lonely perverts: mouse arm.
I've got a mouse arm.
#ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage this tweet.
I taught my sister a valuable lesson today; knock before you enter a room because there might be naked people in there, like me for example.
Live simply so others can simply live.
I'm single not because I'm boring but because I'm intimidating.
Just go with me on this one guys.
When I refuse to pull out my phone because I say it's too cold to do that, you know it's God damn cold.
Twitter's unfollowing people for me.
Not cool Twitter, not cool.
Had a dream where I had six black widows pulled out of a huge boil on my thigh. One was still alive.
Horror movies have nothing on me.
How dare you talking to me like that? Don't you know who I think I am?
If you're too embarrassed to post a tweet, you're doing it wrong.
I wish I had arms strong enough to tear up every single racist son of a bitch walking on this earth.
My last words will be "I've hidden my secret million dollar fortune under the.." and then I will die just to fuck with everyone.
My friend got so exited that she took of her shirt after I told her the pizza guy was here. And I thought I was fucked up...
I think I've flipped the bird a bit too many times today. My middle fingers are still stuck in the fuck you position.
Got so much to give and no one to give it to.
My English teacher says Twitter's a good way of learning new words.
She's right. I just learned there are 7 ways of saying the word penis.
Heading to bed, looking for my (badass) pyjamas then realising I still had them on since morning.
Now you know how awesome my day has been.
Clever but clueless. Why not give me a follow? It's free and it'll make my face look like this :D