It's impossible to look gangster and say Tweet.

I hope my Twitter crush isn't my mom's Account.

It's like a playground here with all the mood swings.

Anyone know any websites where I can dump my emotional baggage and upload pictures of my cat?

When I ask someone how they are and they reply with 'fine', I just think they mean fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional.

I mixed my speed pills with the smart pills so now I'm fucking things up as fast as possible.

I'm beginning to think that cats are the only ones who truly understand string theory.

In an alternate universe, everyone gives a fuck.

If you're wondering who stole the LSD, fear not. We have bigger problems...




There're dragons in the canteen...

I wish people would stop phoning while I'm ironing. I keep burning my face.

You're supposed to Block "Similar To You", right?

I like that thing where you said the thing about that moment that time.

In a parallel universe, shit doesn't happen.

Typing to yourself is the first sign of madness.

I've been working with a couple of browser windows open at the same time and can now move each eye independently.

When my bullshit senses start tingling, that usually means the conversation's over.

It's like typing to a brick wall.

Me to pirate: How'd you get the hook?
Pirate: Mutiny.
Me: ...And the eye patch?
Pirate: Seagull dropping.
Me: ?
Pirate: First day with hook.

My favorite social position is invisible.

Life's a bowl of whatever, one bite and you're *yawn*