It's official, I hate my life.

What can I say, somedays I'm brilliant.

I could really use my happy place right now

No, I won't show you my boobs.

When you are investing more in the relationship then others, it's time to move on.

It's hard being friends w/ women. I'll just stick w/men.

Sometimes I just fucking crack myself up!

I am a fucking retard

9 year old: uh mom, I don't know how to tell you this, but you're not normal.

Me: ummm, thanks kid. Stop talking to your Aunt.....

Why is it when a guy asks what's wrong, and he gets an answer, he still pretends you said nothing???!!!!

Where did all the cars that go boom go?

Fuck a glass, I'm drinking wine from the bottle.

Brrr it's cold out here, there must be a cold hearted bitch in the atmosphere. Nope, honey, it's not me so go fuck yourself.

Just because you don't give her attention doesn't mean someone else won't. You will have no one to blame but yourself when she walks away...

You can use your cuffs on me any day

"because we are fucking princesses that's why"

I hate people. That's all.

Today, I get a gold star just for living.

Ironically, I will spend my day tomorrow telling people where to put their lips and to blow. Fuckers from high school can kiss my ass, cunts

Don't dictate to a dictator, bitches

Why is it that good things happen to bad people?