Wife screams at husband in the delivery room, YOU DID THIS TO ME!,husband replies I wanted to put it in your ass, & you said THAT would hurt

Everyone is sexy to someone.

I like sleeping because it's like being dead with out the commitment.

New condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's going to get your paychecks.

Men approve of premarital sex until daughters are born.

Two most honest people in this world : drunk people and little kids.

A boyfriend should make his girlfriend's pussy wet, not her eyes.
A girlfriend should make her boyfriend's cock hard, not his life.

I just bought condoms and when the cashier asked.."Do you need a bag?" I just said .. No she isn't that ugly.

Threats are like dares to me.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm planning ahead. If the cops ask I was with you.

if you're cute call me sweety, if you're pretty call me honey, if you're hot call me baby. but if you're horny call me right fucking NOW!

(X35 P33N I hUJOH 05 W,I 35V37d 3W d73H)




turn your phone upside down.

a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.

Violets are blue
Your blood is red
The window was open
I'm under your bed

My ex had a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh. If you put your ear next to it, I swear you could smell the ocean.

eating pussy is like driving a car..One false move and you could hit the asshole in front of you! Unless you like that. I do ;0)

I'm still laughing at this one lol http://t.co/aHuKM72V

A vagina is like the weather, once it's wet, time to go inside ;0P

When you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee...
That's a Moray!

Lying naked with a beautiful person and not having sex and being OK with that, is love.