Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Some people are as useless as a butter dildo.
"Tell me the truth and I won't get mad." - women who get mad when you tell them the truth.
People born in the year 2000 are turning the age of consent in the UK this year.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Getting out of bed was the second hardest thing this morning.
Saying, "Can you smell weed?" right after dropping a fart will never get old.
I'd be more inclined to eat Kale if it came in meat patty form topped with cheese and was sandwiched between two buns.
I'm all about healthy living.
[Uses organic extra virgin coconut oil as lube]
Just found out I won £9.90 on Friday's Euromillions. I may splash out on some extortionately over-prices popcorn at Batman vs Superman later
Walks up in da club like: "Can I have a black coffee and some ear plugs, please?"
I may look like I'm paying attention, but really I'm writing my novel, "Zombie Chimp Apocalypse" in my head and nodding appropriately.
Relationship status: sometimes I put out two recycle bins instead of the one just to test the commitment of my garbage collectors.
America, you might see this an election, but the rest of the world views this as an IQ test and it's not looking good...
You know why people love me? I speak the fucking truth.
You know why people hate me? I speak the fucking truth.
It's the first day of Spring: I'm going to go out and feel the sun in my face and listen to the birds in the trees.
*turns PS4 on*
I'm not saying I was less than sober when I arrived home earlier, but I did walk past my own house. Twice.
I don't like making plans for the day. Because then the word "premeditated" tends to get thrown around in the courtroom.
New Iphone bug fix:
*go to Carphone Warehouse*
*ask for assisstant*
*hand over cash*
*walk out with Samsung Galaxy 7*
I hatched from a Cadburys Creme Egg in the 1700s. Live in a travelling circus. My Native American name is He Who Runs With Scissors.
Like @Inconsteveable’s tweets? Send them a Favstar Pro Membership to show you care.Gift them Pro!