Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Oh, I finally have your attention? Yeah, I'm bored.
New rule: you can't make Superman jokes until you've seen Superman II, The Richard Donner cut.
I turned left a while back. I wouldn't follow me.
My Instagram account has become a battle of memes with my sister.
If you look like you're having a bad day, never underestimate my ability to be cheerful as fuck.
The path of the righteous is beset on all sides by the inequities and tyranny of cyclists and vegetarians.
Haiku for bitches.
I love your bouncing titties.
Not yours. They are flat.
I'm 95% sure your subtweet was about me. I'm 98% I don't know you.
I'm 100% sure your account is full of subtweets because you need a hug.
How you subtweet about others does not define them, it defines you.
I just worked out I spend 85.71% of my week dreading Monday tweets. Don't talk to me about boredom.
Other people: "This girl in work is always crying. Perhaps she needs a shoulder to cry on?"
Me: "Must be on her period.."
Never underestimate a man's ability to sit through a shitty chick flick if he thinks he might get sex.
It's a joke, not a dick. Let's not make this hard..
No, online IQ test. YOU'RE a fucking wasted talent.
I love how people on the net think they know me.
I hatched from a Cadburys Creme Egg in the 1700s. Live in a travelling circus. My Native American name is He Who Runs With Scissors.