Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
So you just had chemo?
"What's the chances of me becoming a superhero if I stick my penis in you considering your levels of radioactivity?"
*gets fired so a minimum wage prick can take his job*
*still has enough money to last another ten years*
Game on muthafuggas.
That one drunk ho wife who keeps texting you in Fri's while your bud is at work, and that makes you feel good by turning her down.
Tonight feels like a good night to spend in with the girlfriend, a good movie and a lot of wine. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
Wanted: some idiot with a Twitter account who stars back.
After today's job interview, I learnt that "what's wrong with your face?" is not a good conversational starter...
You've been here 5 minutes. I've been here five years...
Pretty sure my spirit animal is a Muppet. You guys have never seen me play the drums...
Remember to look out for your elderly neighbours during cold Winter months. They're liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
Either guys are REALLY in touch with their feminine side lately, or I'm pretty sure I'm following some gays.
I've just heard the most terrifying words I've heard all year...
Shall we go out and buy a Christmas tree?
Sometimes I like to stare at my CD/DVD collection and think about all the money I wasted before I discovered illegal downloads.
I'm not going to waste the whole day today. Just most of it.
Remember remember the 25th of December. You won't get shit because I'm broker than ever.
The Third Law of Tweeting: For every joke or rhetorical tweet, there's an opposed overreaction from an idiot who will take it seriously.
Women! They have boob jobs, liposuction, piercings, bikini & leg waxes, botox and tattoos, but they won't take it up the ass coz it hurts.
I hatched from a Cadburys Creme Egg in the 1700s. Live in a travelling circus. My Native American name is He Who Runs With Scissors.