Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Chestnuts are the sexiest food ever. They have both boobs & balls in their name and you can pick them up on street corners.
Twitter: Where procrastinators go to die.
Good thing about having big boobs? I catch enough crumbs in my cleavage that I'm ready for a zombie apocalypse or a snack on the ride home.
Saying God wants women to marry her rapist & raise his child is like saying if you kill the infidel Allah will give you 72 virgins in heaven
The man who invents a shoe that looks like a Manolo but feels like a Croc is gonna get so much pussy. So much.
Now all the good ones will be gay AND married.
Does this depression make me look fat?
If no one's ever masturbated in the bedroom while another screams out names of spices from the kitchen, then I invented a new sex act.
Getting starred but not getting retweeted is the twitter equivalent of getting fucked but not getting paid.
Dear humidity, kiss my ass today. Sincerely, my hair.
The chances of me doing anything even remotely productive today are about the same as this tweet getting retweeted.
Dear facebook please stop suggesting I follow my old boyfriends. The only way I would follow them now is with a sharpened knife.
When God closes a vagina he opens an asshole.
I'll never understand the appeal of watching men chasing balls around. Unless they're attached to a penis. Inserted in a vagina. Mine.
As a kid you don't wanna go to sleep because you think you'll miss something, when you're an adult that's exactly why you wanna go to sleep.
If my uterus could do magic don't you think I'd be renting it out for birthday parties and shit?
I don't trust people who don't have books on their bookshelves.
Now The NYPD has the firepower to take down an aircraft. I feel so comforted. Because they did such a great job with the use of mace lately.