Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I'm not opposed to manscaping, but I don't see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
If there were a Twitter action figure it would have 140 pieces, come assembly required, and be nothing but genitals and boobs.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
I can no longer walk into Walmart without running into a Twitter joke.
Just because all dogs go to heaven that's not license for you to be a bitch.
Don't care if you're right, left, top, or bottom. We're all in some deep shit here, so start shoveling and shut the fuck up.
I'm not fat, I'm just fulfilling my density.
When you realize you're not, nor will you be, the hottest, coolest or smartest person, you start your quest to become the drunkest.
I don't follow, I lead.
Don't watch the news, I make it.
Don't start shit, I'm full of it.
Not the first rule, but a good rule of thumb is make sure it's fight club before you beat the crap out of a bunch of ladies playing bridge.
If I see a single chick waiting to pull into spot I'm leaving, I pull back in and out slowly a few times so she knows I'm a gentle lover.
If you don't have anything nice to say to me, then by all means, please quote someone who does.
Went down to the dock today. A tug boat is not at all what I thought it was.
I'm not naive. I choose to live in a world where Mr. Peanut is ignorant of the fact that he is promoting the genocide of his kind.
Those who quit while they are ahead never know the thrill of coming from behind.
Do kids still say, "pecker head"? If not, I just beat the shit out of a midget.
I haven't lost my will to live, but I won't be surprised when it accepts a better offer.
I don't care if it's wine glasses, shot glasses, or beer goggles; whichever makes me look fuckable is what you should be looking through.
Match white powder with person wearing it.
C) Dried Spunk
D) All the above.
4) Bad Cop
You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't cure herpes, microwave meth, or recycle white trash.