@Ish's most faved Tweets...
Steve Jobs' transplant was a success, except that if he'd waited a month, he could have gotten a smaller and better liver for $100 less.
I am religious about the gym. I don't really believe in it, but I go twice a year anyway.
If you'd read my memo, you would *know* the first rule of Passive Aggressive Memo Club.
Every few months I come up with a really awesome tweet.

It's not this one - I'm just letting you know. I do.
Because I'm an optimist, I think you're half full of shit.
Found a good substitute for Twitter last week - a curious 4 y.o. who follows you around and says "what are you doing?" every six minutes.
I hope the airline lets us carry the baby on, even though I'm not sure she'll fit under the seat.
If tweets had a circle you could click meaning "I see what you did there - good for you"? I could be the @sween of that. On Sortalikd.
Dear Dr. Schrödinger: This is just a reminder that it's time for Mr. Whiskers' annual checkup! Unless he's dead. In which case, nevermind.
Being the best ventriloquist is like being the best...at some horribly unfunny thing.
BTW, baby was great on the plane! She even sighed passive-aggressively when the guy in front of us reclined his seat.
No no! The stifled yawns are my way of saying, "please continue with your story."
I put the douche in fiduciary.
I second-guess myself too much. OR DO I??
Suggestion for new California state motto: "Don't worry, the mudslides will put out the fires."
Whole Foods: perfect when we're in a hurry for dinner, and don't want to waste time waiting for change back from a fifty.
Dear Twitter Lists: Thanks for giving me yet another way to quantify my own feelings of inadequacy.
Breakfast wine. Why on earth is *that* not a thing yet?
'Skip this ad' - does anyone not click that? "An ad, you say? Well, isn't *this* a delightful little detour!"
We get the Sunday Times delivered so the neighbors think we're smart. Doesn't work as well when it's still in the driveway on Wednesday.
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