Agar aap apne juniors ke ideas to apna samajh kar saara credit chura lete hain, toh aap boss nahi, @aapchutiyehain

Agar aap apni car ko bike samajh kar har jagah zabardasti ghusane ki koshish karte hain toh traffic ka mamu bhi kahega @aapchutiyehain #ACH

I'll wear black till they find a darker colour.

Saturday shaam ko 9 baje work email bhej kar self importance dikhane ki koshish karne wale dear colleague @aapchutiyehain #ACH

"Arre, June itni jaldi kaise aa gaya?!" type ki cheezein kehne walo, Natural Progression of Time bhi kahega ki @aapchutiyehain !

Thanks Twitter, for making me miss so many birthdays on FB.

Why Life, why? Why can't you give some muffins or cupcakes once in a while? Why does it always have to be lemons?

No, not flirting. Just being polite. There is a difference.

Tomorrow? A magical unknown land where 99% of all human productivity and achievement live.

Whoever wants to go on #miaonwheels and missed the ride, just tweet about why you want to be pampered and you might get lucky!

Always maintain a healthy level of insanity.

No, you don't have ADD, you're just a jerk using ADD as an excuse.

I cannot brain today. I has a dumb.

A hair raising tale - starring a really bad perm, along with the best afro money can buy.

Mayans have been proved right. If not earth, humanity has definitely died this year.

Political elections should just be wrestling matches to the death. That way we eliminate some dirt, while an idiot gets elected anyway.

Recd my 1st order from @faballey. Standing apart from the rest with the sweet hand-written note! @thatsass Congratulations are in order!

I don't like it when people say 'everything's cool'. Everything is NOT cool. Only Dragons are.

"Be Yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to some people.

If my job was testing mattresses for comfort, I'd be employee of the month all the time.