@chescaleigh When I accidentally step on someone's toe, I apologize. I don't tell them that it shouldn't hurt just because I didn't mean to.

I always end up having crushes on boys whose celebrity crush is Emma Watson. Which isn't even a little bit fair.

The episode of Boy Meets World where Eric can't adopt Tommy is on, but my heart is still broken from the last time it was on.

God, I love Harry Potter.

Roommate: "How was the @gwatsky concert?" Me: "Sexually frustrating."

An hour ago, I was an English major with vague plans to write or something? and now I'm all "I'LL TEACH MATH TO AMERICAN YOUTH, BARACK."

I don't ask for RTs, but 50 Shades of Grey overtook HP for fastest selling paperback. THIS LINK MUST BE SHARED. http://t.co/49t9JU9C

"I'm HILARIOUS." -me, reading my own tweets

I'm the kind of hungry where you hate anyone for having food. "Look at that bitch, with her latte and her muffin. How can anyone stand her?"

*develops crush on every lanky boy in sight*

When in doubt, watch Parks and Recreation.

A 7-year old Girl Scout dressed as a Samoa informs me that, "we take credit cards," and suddenly credit debt is a thing I'm worried about.

My sister just started knitting and she now has a 2-inch square. When asked what she's making, she answers "A blanket for Marcel the Shell."

Sometimes I wonder if I have bad reflexes, but then I see Tosh.0 on TV and the rapidity with which I turn the channel is reassuring.

I have only two emotions: "ugh pants," and "woo, no pants!"

I just walked past a guy carrying flowers and a roll of frozen cookie dough. I almost asked him to be my boyfriend right then and there.

My high school crush won a full-ride scholarship to get his master's degree at Cambridge. Meanwhile, I only shaved one leg this morning.

"Life is like a box of fucks. It's up to you which ones you give." -my best friend Danielle #poetry

Sister: "Are you crying?!" Me: "NO." Sister: "All McGonagall did was make some stone statues move." Me: "I HAVE A LOT OF EMOTIONS." #HPDHp2

Me: "I really liked that movie and I'm trying to figure out why." Person: "It passed the Bechdel test." Me: "Well, that'll do it."