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Kid im tutoring has a sis that raped me with her eyes then walked out of her room in the hoochiest booty shorts. She's in jr high #tooold
Have you ever backhanded your passenger for yelling at you to stop texting when all you were doing was just tweeting?
Everone drive safe this morning. O&Take the green pipe left, I took waterfall shortcut&hit a turtle-fukd up my whole front fender #mariokart
Went to Cheesecake Factory today. Least amount of poverty here than any other factory so far.
Stop frontin, we all know you were ex-ninjas trying to assimilate into our culture, Benihanna chefs.
Dear ex girlfriends, this really is for the rest of our lives, so go ahead and break my windows (again). Fornever yours, joey de la cray
ASH ASH ASH ASH ASH ASH ASH ASH ASH ASH ASH ASH, Stop....now make that motherfu**in Jesustime.
At my old school's May festival watching my sister get checked out. What's the least painful facial injury I can make look accidental?
You ever been cool enough to crowd surf over your ex girlfriend at a punk rock show? Yeah, well, I know a guy.
I love this band like my own left foot dammit.
Me: Pa, what you gonna watch now that Lopez Tonight got cancelled? Dad: Luckily they got re-runs, so I'll watch those till I like Conan.
Am I wrong to assume that the kinder kids spinning by the playground during recess to get dizzy will be future drug addicts?
What was normal in the evening by morning seems insane.
If ur first line is, "I usually look better when I do my makeup," and then lol, #getouttahere
After watching jackass 3d i just havent been able to look at my dick the same way anymore. So many possibilities
forgot 2 tweet that i had 2 send a kid to t/pricipal's office 2day 4 peeing in an apple juice container &offering it 2 a student #gdtimes