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@JDudar's (Jared Dudar) most faved Tweets...
JDudar
GUYS I FOUND THIS BUTTON ON MY KEYBOARD THAT LET'S ME TYPE LIKE I'M PRETTY SURE REPUBLICANS TALK. WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME OF THIS BUTTON?
@JDudar
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JDudar
Thanks to wikipedia, I now know how to have sex with mermaids.

You know where I'll be if you need me.
@JDudar
9
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JDudar
Whenever someone's at the door my first thought is 'Goddamn doorbell.'

My second thought is 'How can I make this into an episode of cops?'
@JDudar
6
TheRealMelissaNDinOpinionspbear2tnsltwnazikatePaulineTV
JDudar
Missed Connection.

You: Cute Asian girl who didn't know what "pull" means on a door.

Me: Guy who laughed when your face smoked that door.
@JDudar
6
indecisiviouslytrailingbehindplaid_lemursmashedpotatoesswitchbladephdBettyLies
JDudar
Missed connection.

You: Cute girl in elevator.

Me: Guy who did that jump-right-before-the-elevator-stops-zero-gravity thing.
@JDudar
6
MODATthedutyswitchbladephdjustinjewellazikatePaulineTV
JDudar
I need to start carpooling with Samuel L. Jackson so other drivers can finally understand.

"Gas peddle, Mother------, do-you-use-it?"
@JDudar
5
slugworthycrankfetterswitchbladephdel_panteraPaulineTV
JDudar
Can you guys stop tweeting for like 8 hours? I really need to finish this paper.

Thanks.
@JDudar
5
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JDudar
I wish I loved something enough to proclaim it on my car.

Are there bacon bumper stickers?

I'm asking for a friend. A tasty, tasty friend.
@JDudar
5
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JDudar
If zombie survival games have taught me anything it's that I'm a hot college co-ed.
@JDudar
5
plaid_lemurswitchbladephdporkpastesupmisterBettyLies
JDudar
I think that Cadbury commercial was telling me to invade Poland.
@JDudar
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DinOpinionsplaid_lemurPaulineTVazikateKungHeiFatChoi
JDudar
Last time @bcompton travelled to Europe, France surrended just to be safe. #bcomptonhashugecock
@JDudar
5
say_my_nameBeccaPianoJessabelle2o7bratlingpotjie
JDudar
'Hanging Chad' means something completely different in Iranian recounts.
@JDudar
5
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JDudar
Staring forlonglingly at that plate of chicken you have?

There`s a cat for that.
@JDudar
4
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JDudar
There's something to be said about American politics when I have to google people to remember their corresponding scandal.
@JDudar
4
plaid_lemurmlb_matosPaulineTVazikate
JDudar
Had to change razor halfway through shaving because my beard was too thick. Filing under 'manliest thing ever'.

Ooh, Gossip Girl is on.
@JDudar
4
plaid_lemurmlb_matosPaulineTVazikate
JDudar
Dear mouth-breathing first year student. The second that baseball cap goes backwards you've hit the perfect storm of me hating you.
@JDudar
4
indecisiviouslytrailingbehindplaid_lemurmlb_matos
JDudar
Dear Joe Wilson: According to the internet, you are less important than thickchicks.

You may want to rething your electoral strategy.
@JDudar
4
tnsltwnplaid_lemurImAVeronicamlb_matos
JDudar
That DJ last night kept yelling "Let's Go" at everyone.

I hope we weren't keeping him from some important engagement.
@JDudar
4
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JDudar
Just cleaned my glasses.

Has reality always been this life-like? Like, do all trees have leaves and aren't just giant masses of green?
@JDudar
4
tnsltwnplaid_lemurPaulineTVmlb_matos
JDudar
Dear women who tuck their jeans into their boots:

Thanks.

Sincerely,
men.
@JDudar
3
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