Hey uppity rich bitch making the dramatic fake cough noise 30 feet away from where I'm smoking - Go Fuck Yourself.

Some people will never realize there's a difference between "living with your parents" and helping your disabled mother keep her house.

We don't have cookies over here on the Dark Side. He have wine, beer, bacon and boobs. Get it right fuckers.

Stupid teenagers trying to tell me the finer points of bands I was listening to before they were fucking born. #FML

If someone asks me to #FF you and I see you already have 18,000 followers and are only following 300, you can fuck right off.

Oh, Favstar is down? Well how about you do what us poor folk do and peruse someone's whole TL instead of just 10 tweets we wrote?

This "darkest before the dawn" shit is getting really fuckin' old.

Ya know what's fuckin great? Phone sex ads during the commercial breaks for A Christmas Story.

I won't say "you're doing Twitter wrong," but if you're just here to collect followers like Pokemon cards you can fuck right off.

Fuckin' white people.

So, am I like the only person that reads somebody's actual TL to decide what to star vs just reading their favstar TL?

So when is TLC going to change their network slogan to "Us and Fox News Are What's Ruining America"?

Barista is Latin for "pretentious twat who fucks up your coffee order"

Remember kids, any time somebody makes it to 1000 followers on their own, a member of team follow back gets herpes. #TheMoreYouKnow

Pro Tip-don't bitch about your lack of followers if your entire TL is @'s and RT's. In fact, don't bitch about your lack of followers at all

Ugh. Nothing like going to a small restaurant and getting stuck near a table of loud menopausal "girls night out" bitches.

Any ignorant fuck that wants to link yesterday's tragedy to the lack of organized religion in schools just fucking unfollow me now.

FACT - even the funniest, most original guy on twitter will always have at least 30% less followers than a random boob avi.

Currently downloading all 3 seasons of Darkwing Duck. #winning

It's November fucking 12th....Fuck you Christmas Hershey Kisses commercial!