I don't always work on Friday afternoon, but when I do, I don't.

@jrehling pretty sure 6 was inspired by Ek Tha Tiger

A delightful way to tell someone to go to hell is to send them a complimentary hand basket with a card suggesting its use.

I dont have one single clue who Amanda Bynes is.
maybe because i dont watch TV and i read books.

I pride myself on not knowing what the fuck Etsy is all about.

You brought this upon yourself, Chads.

Avoiding people is my favorite thing that involves people.

Hopefully, gay scouting will be another major step in keeping narrow-minded people from scouting for gays.

I unfollow anyone who sends me an automated DM thanking me for following them.

Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" have a "Use By" date?

Show me a person who can be trusted with a laser pointer, and I will show you someone whose soul has died.

Couldn't find a limo for my niece's prom night in time, I guess this hearse will do. Big backseat! You can really lay down back here.

I do not believe God punished Adam & Eve by banishing them from the garden. He did it by forever hiding the other stupid sock!

Rock it, science.

A story

Once a man grew a moustache named Greg. The moustache was named Greg, not the guy. Idk what the guys name was stop interrogating me

I'm Out!! If You Need Me, Just Call Me...!! Enjoy Your Weekend Guys!!

My favorite constellation is that one that looks like a bunch of dots really far away.

I didn’t feel an earthquake

No. 1: You're Blind > Six Ways to Tell Your Bar Is Passing Off Cheap Liquor as the Good Stuff  http://slate.me/16Y1elg 

Yak, yak, yakking, yak.