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I'm always excited when I hear the intro to Under Pressure and then immediately disappointed when it's not Ice Ice Baby.
I'm too legit too quit. I am not however too legit to come in late for a while until I get written up and eventually fired.
Thats weird. The bidet at this gym looks exactly like a water fountain.
I don't think local sluts want to fuck as much as my spam mail would have me believe.
Carving your initials into a tree and surrounding it by a heart used to be how you change your relationship status without facebook.
I miss Left Eye .(
So, you're telling me that neither a professor, nor a colonel could solve a murder at a dinner party in which only 6 people attended?
Steal like no ones watching. Fuck dancing.
It's really pissing me off today that I missed the opportunity to name my cat Jean Clawed VanDamme
I feel weird when my kitten walks across my body in the morning and trips over my boner like its a parking median she didn't see.
Girlfriend's out of town so I'm just raw doggin' it. Thats what i call eating uncooked hotdogs straight out of the package.
'yeah, but what if we could blow our noses into a wet pocket rag more than once!'- the disgusting person whom invented the handkerchief.
WARNING: magic mike is not about a microphone that makes bad singers good. I repeat; the movie title is misleading!
I'm not sure if that guy was yelling "Hey, whore. Hey!" or "Hey, Jorge!". Either way I'm not getting involved.
I don't trust Lance Armatrong's apology. He's probably on some sort of apology enhancing drug.
Sir Isaac Newton: don't you understand the gravity of this situation?
Sir Isaac Newton's friend: I've never heard that word before.
All my farts sound like a creaky secret bookshelf from a murder mystrey house. My butt is spooky.
Cauliflower smells like boiled used diapers but tastes like boiled new diapers.
Is it bad when your pee is steaming? Asking for a family member. You know, my brothers, brother.... Me. I'm asking for me. I have steamy pee
'yo! You guys don't remember? it's me, Johnny Bagpipes' - An Italian guy trying to sneak into a Scottish wedding.