Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Hey @gselevator want me to write your book for you too? http://gawker.com/goldman-sachs-elevator-is-a-plagiarist-1531583556 …
If I owned a late model Lexus I'd put a giant bow on it and park it outside of strangers houses on Christmas morning just to fuck with them.
I got excited when I was told that most girls use "huge dick" to describe me, then I found out they were referring to my personality.
St. Patricks Day- a time to get abusively drunk and puke in the streets by mid-afternoon. Or as the actual Irish call it, "Thursday".
A text that simply reads "We need to talk." is a great way to mess with someone's head.
Employment stats must be looking up, millions of cancer cells just got Jobs. #toosoon
The thing I look most forward to about becoming a husband and father is that day I go out to buy cigarettes and never come back.
Sometimes I think my sense of elitism is completely unwarranted, but then I meet other people.
My preferred method of birth control is just not answering calls after.
Just saw a toddler yell "you're boring" to a woman her mom was talking to, punch her in the leg and walk away. That kid is my fucking hero.
I must be getting older. Last night I roofied a girl just for the peace and quiet. #maturity
I feel like at this point most people have actually forgotten about Dre.
Seriously? A handjob? What are you, fifteen? Oh...Right. Carry on then.
Glad the "Ed Hardy/Affliction" douche is a different breed from the "shoes with the individual toes" douche, that combo would be unbearable.
Condoms? In THIS economy?
"Yeeaah, not gonna do that." - My inner monologue 90% of the time anyone gives me advice, suggestions, directions, or orders.
Odd that booty calls and butt dialing are such different things.
If you're entertaining people in your own home and you're wearing anything other than a silk or velvet robe you're doing life wrong.
In 1994 Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes burnt her boyfriend's mansion to the ground and a 12 year old me learned everything I need to know about women